State of the Union

I just finished watching the State of the Union on TV. I used to hate when it was on because I couldn't watch any of my regular primetime programming. But for the last few years, I actually find it to be a twisted combination of interesting and amusing. Tonight wasn't any different. It's amusing when one party stands and applauds and the other party sits there looking like they're still grumpy that they lost the last presidential election. lol It's interesting to see what the President has to say. Like a lot of people, it seems to me that most of it is just a lot of blah blah blah, and nothing much ever comes of it. And, no, I don't think that that's something that's limited to this current President or his party.

The other state of the union that the title refers to is the union between Master and me. We had a rough moment this afternoon. It was my doing. We were talking about when I might be moving there, and I said I wasn't sure I wanted to move there as early as May because then I'd be home all summer with the kids while He's at work. Then we got into a big discussion about whether or not I'm making the right decision and if I'm making too much of this. We both got upset, and then I had to leave for a bit - my stupid puter tends to shut down on me if I'm on it too long. I took the time to run a couple errands and do some good thinking, and I came to two conclusions. First is that, if I move there in May, and I'm home all day (since I won't be able to work right away) with the kids while they're out of school, and they drive me absolutely crazy, it will still mean that I'm there with my Master, instead of a couple thousand miles away talking to Him on a computer. My second conclusion was that, in the end, I shouldn't even be worrying about this. I'm obviously still learning about how to fully submit to my Master and really give everything up to Him. All I really have to do is tell Him everything and obey His commands, and let Him deal with the rest. I'm so fortunate to have a patient Master that knows that I'm still learning, and allows me to figure some of this out on my own, so it actually hits home a little better that way. So the rest of the afternoon and now tonight has been really good for us. Whenever we work through something like this, it always brings us closer. It makes me feel even more submissive to Him, and strengthens His ownership of me. So, I would say that the state of our union is pretty darn good tonight. :)

The Good, the Okay, & the Bland

The Good: Actually, this is better than good. I've known this for a while now, but I haven't really made it public. Master already knows. I absolutely LOVE Diet Pepsi Lime!!! The last time I went to the store, I bought four 2-liters of it! I just love it. None of the other flavoured Pepsis do much for me, but the lime makes me happy! :)

The Okay: I received an email reply from Mom regarding the one I'd sent her yesterday after our peeve-inspiring phone call. I have to say, one of the things I love about my mom is that she doesn't overreact and she's good about being logical. She said she would pray for me in the hope that I would want to go back to church soon and that I would be reading my Bible in the meantime. And she said that it made sense that I wouldn't want to have Master go to church with us on His first visit there and that she would be patient. Frankly, at this point, I'm not sure I'll ever want to go back to church, but I'm also not ruling that out. And I don't mind Mom praying for me. Certainly can't hurt.

The Bland: The Bland would describe my day, for the most part. I did have a little fun this morning with my local squirrels. I've been putting peanuts out on my balcony for the last few months for the squirrel that came around. I started doing it after Elmo got sick, because it gave him something to watch and try to be excited about. Then after I had to put him to sleep, I just kept doing it because I liked having the squirrel about. But today there were multiple squirrels! The original squirrel had gotten pretty used to me and even though he wouldn't get too close to me, he would come up on the balcony when I put the nuts out before I'd even closed the door. But one of these new squirrels was bold! Either that or he's definitely more used to people! He'd sit there and watch me put out a few nuts and come within a few inches of me. I was almost a little worried that if I didn't watch him he'd try to come inside! I like my neighborhood squirrels. However, that was the exciting part of my day. lol

January 29th

Today is Leann's birthday. I was going to send her a happy birthday email, but haven't. Oh well. It's not like she ever bothered to remember my birthday.

I got rather peeved with Mom today. I called her this afternoon at the same time we always talk. She tells me that she just got home and was about to eat something and asked if she could call back in a bit. A whole freaking hour later, she finally calls me back! I hate waiting around anyway, but I hated it more because I knew I could be talking to Master instead of waiting around, which isn't normally the case on Sundays. Then, towards the end of the conversation, she's telling me that she still doesn't fully understand why I'm not going to church, and she wished that, when Master and I visit there at the end of March, that we would be there on a Sunday or Wednesday so that we could go to church with her. I didn't even have anything to say. I was afraid to get going into an explanation at that moment since I'd already been peeved, and this wasn't a topic to make me happy. I ended up writing an email after we hung up. I told her that, just like I told her when she was here in October, I just don't want to go to church right now. When I go, I feel like I'm faking it. And that Master and I are purposely not going to be there for church this time because I don't want to throw Him into the deep end on His first visit, since He's not used to going to church Himself. I know she won't get the email until tomorrow when she goes to work, so I don't know yet what her reaction will be. I guess we'll see.

Random Friday Part II

After I got offline earlier I had a message from one of the temp agencies that they have a job possibility. If I got this one, it would be great because it has the possibility of lasting a few months and pays more than I was making at my last permanent job! I should hear something next week, so keep your fingers crossed!

The box waiting for me was the box from Brother. He had also gotten me a wireless mouse. Since the one from Master is already out of the box and set up, I'm just going to stick with that one. Besides, I like knowing that this mouse was picked out for me by Him. I don't know what I'll do with the one from Brother, probably just hang onto it and possibly regift it if I find someone that could use it and want it. He didn't send the gift receipt for it like he said he was going to, but at least he also sent a little money with it, so it's not a complete bust!

Random Friday

Man, I slept great last night! I'm sure it helped that I took a Benedryl before bed and I didn't have to get up early. But man, I slept great last night! :)

I have to leave in a bit to run some errands. I have a box waiting for me at the apt. office. I suspect it's the box from Brother, since he couldn't be bothered to bring my gift with him to Texas when we actually saw each other at Christmas and then when he tried to mail it the first time he couldn't be bothered to put my correct address on it! Of course, this is all still an improvement over last year when he said that he forgot to bring my gift which translated into he didn't get me anything and never bothered to. I think part of what ticks me off about all of this is that it's the same story all the time, and that it's not just that he can't be bothered to remember to buy me a Christmas present or send a birthday card. It's that he's just as bad towards Mom. So he sucks as a brother, I can get over that. But to suck as a son, when you only have the one parent left anyway, that upsets me. So I guess we'll see if this is the box from him and what he actually bought if it is.

I really need to clean my keyboard.

Why is it that when I have the chance and desire to blog, the site isn't working?

Sometimes I wonder if the highlight of my day is coming home and getting to take my bra off. Stupid things.

It's official. I'm done working. Well, at least for the moment. My temp job finished today, and I don't have anything else lined up yet. I'm not particularly worried. I was supposed to be working through tomorrow and I could kinda use the extra day.

I cried at a commercial the other night. It was a Pedigree commerical I saw for the first time, the one about them being for shelter dogs. Dang it if just thinking about it doesn't make me cry again! I think it reminds me of the time, after my first cat died, Mom and I went to the local county animal shelter to see about getting another pet. I was 15. We walked through the dog area and all these dogs... it was heartbreaking. The dogs looked so sad and so much like they just wanted to be taken home. It just killed me. I just barely made it out the door of the shelter before I started crying. I bawled. I still remember my mom saying "I don't think we'll go back there." So seeing this Pedigree commercial just reminded me of that and how there are SO many terrific pets that need good homes. It breaks my heart that they don't all have one.

I feel like there was something else I was going to write about, but I don't remember now. I've had a headache since this afternoon. Happens sometimes when my blood sugar gets low. What sucks is that, when I get this kind of headache, the only way to get rid of it is to sleep. At least I know I'll feel better in the morning.

Box & Taxes

That's one heck of a boring title, but such is my life.

I got my W-2 from my old job in the mail on Saturday and since that's really the only thing I need to do my taxes, I did them! I did my state ones online last year, but I hadn't done my federal ones online because I didn't want to pay for it, and I didn't feel comfortable going through a service to get it done, so I just mailed it in as usual. I still my state taxes through the IL site, but I did my fed taxes through Turbo Tax - for free! :) It was really easy and they can save my info for next year. As usual, I'm getting a refund from the feds and I have to pay IL, but at least my refund is always enough to cover what I have to pay and then a little. So it makes me feel like I'm coming out on top for the time being, even if we all know that's not actually true! :P

I picked up my Christmas box from Master from the post office this afternoon on my way home from work. I already knew that He'd gotten a wireless mouse for me - yea! - but I didn't know what else there might be. It was so great! He sent the lime and chile salsa that I love that I haven't found in a store here. I was so excited about it! Yes, I am amused by small things. lol He sent a little figure of Brian Urlacher, which made me laugh. I put him on top of the TV. He sent me chapstick, since he knows I am a chapstick addict. I think Master likes tasting the flavors on my lips. lol He sent me a picture of His kids, which I've already put on the fridge. And his son Jack made a little Santa for me, which was so cute. It would've been cuter if Santa's head hadn't come off in the box. lol I loved my box. I could really feel how everything in it was picked out just for me. What better way to make a girl feel special? :)

By the way, for those of you who always wanted to know, an alouette - as in Montreal Alouettes - is a lark. The mystery is finally solved!

Picture

It occurred to me that I haven't posted any photos here. Part of that is a vague effort to protect my privacy a little, since the vast majority of people in my life have no idea exactly what kind of relationship Master and I have. They know about Him and know that He's my "significant other," but they don't know anything about our relationship being distinctly different than the standard vanilla.

In any case, I took this picture of my toes a few years ago when I'd gotten a pedicure and had a pretty little design painted on both of my big toes for a wedding I was in. I figured this way I could post a picture of myself without being too revealing! ;)

January 22nd

It's Sunday morning. I'm watching ESPN. I'm still a little bummed that the Bears are out of the playoffs. But now I get to cheer for the Seahawks, my team for next year when I'm living in Edmonton. I like knowing that I won't be cheering for a crappy team, and I hope Mike Holmgren will be the coach there for a long time to come! (Speaking of NFL coaches, I do hope that Mike Sherman is hired somewhere.)

Master and I started looking last night at tickets for his visit here. I know He doesn't want to wait til Spring Break for us to be together again - and I certainly wouldn't complain about Him coming sooner! - but I suspect that because of His kids we will have to wait til then. I'm glad His parents are willing to take them while He's away.

Snowy Friday Night

It's snowing! It's been a while since we really got some good snow, and it hasn't felt enough like winter without it. It's even been unseasonably warm lately. Most people think I'm nuts, but I love a good snow, especially on a Friday night. I can just hole up and watch the beautiful snow fall, and since tomorrow's Saturday I can sleep late and not get out on the roads! :)

I'm watching "Erin Brockovich" tonight. I don't like all the language, but I like Julia Roberts and I like the story.

On a blogging note, I've allowed anonymous comments for my blog because I figure that not everyone has a blog or wants one here. Now, that's assuming that anyone actually looks at my blog besides Master and me! lol However, I accept anonymous comments - or comments of any kind - if they're reasonable, friendly, constructive, things of that nature. Not for insults. I'll tell you now that if people - anonymous or not - post crap comments, I'll delete them. So there! :P

I picked up my clothes box from the post office this afternoon since I got to leave work early, only to come home to find out that I had another box waiting there! This one is from Master! :) It's my late Christmas box, and I'm so excited! I'm excited to get anything from my Master. My favourite things to get from Him are a good kiss, a wonderful touch, and a hard fucking. But a box will do! ;)

I couldn't think of a title fitting for today, so I left it blank. Deal with it. :P

I've been perusing some of the other blogs around here. There's so many! A lot of them don't have any interest to me, and a lot of them are in languages I can't read... or identify! But I've found a few neat ones here and there. Some are amusing and some are interesting. I hope maybe one or two people will find something like that in mine.

I got upset with Master today. Well, I shouldn't say I got upset with Him. More like... in His area. Towards Him, perhaps? He asked me (again) about what I think we should do if, when it's time for me to move there, we don't have money for the Uhaul. I just said that we would. He asked again and I said it again. For one thing, I don't even want to think about having to move there and not being able to take my stuff with me. I know it's just stuff, but it's my stuff. I'm giving up practically everything else as I know it - I'm leaving the country, for Pete's sake! - I don't want to have to give up my stuff too. The problem is that the big Uhaul truck costs a chunk of money which neither of us has these days. I got mad when Master kept persisting in wanting to know what I thought we should do. After I got to thinking about it, I wasn't mad at Him. It was me lashing out about being so constantly worried about money. I seriously have no money right now. AND I have to figure out how to pay for health insurance. My immediate financial worries stress me out enough as it is, I don't need to be worrying about this summer already.

Dang it, "ER" is a rerun tonight. Will the injustices never end?!

Courtesy of a conversation with my mom a couple weeks ago, the word of the day is vitriolic.

Fat

I've been noticing lately just how fat I really am. Now, granted, part of that is because I weigh more now than I ever have in my life. But I also think that I've sort of glazed over it before and maybe even tried to not pay much attention to it. Now it's getting to the point where I can't just glaze over it. It's getting harder to ignore. This is something I haven't confessed to anyone until now: the last few times that I've flown - all within the last five months - I've had to ask for a seat belt extension on the plane. After the first time it happened, I was prepared and didn't feel so bad about it, but it's still embarassing, even if the attendants don't make a big deal of it. How truly humiliating would it be to get to the point where they would require me to buy an extra seat?

I know Master wants to help me with this. I'm so thankful that He loves me for me, as I am. I feel like He sees the me that's a normal weight. It's such a relief and part of why I feel so safe with Him. I know it'll be easier for Him to really control what and eat and making me exercise once I'm there. As much as I know I'll hate it sometimes, I am looking forward to really having someone help me with this, and not a doctor or nutritionist or someone like that.

So far this week has been relatively uneventful. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to afford health insurance. I worry that I'm going to dig myself a hole no matter what solution I go with. *sigh*

Up and Down

I had a check-up with my doc yesterday that went very well. Of course, he tells me that I need to lose weight which is nothing new. However, my blood pressure was good, my urine was good, and my cholestoral was good. But the absolute best part was my hemoglobin A1C!! It was a 6.4!! I was amazed. It was 8 the last time I went, and I knew it was probably better this time, but I didn't expect it to be that good! The doc actually said I was doing a good job of keeping my diabetes in control. That's just never happened before! EVER!! I was so happy and Master was too when I called to tell Him about it.

I had a really good day at work today. For one thing, I found out that I'll be off on Monday for MLK Jr. Day. I'd gotten so used to going to work as usual on that day, I didn't even realize it was Monday! Since the organization I'm with is connected with schools and the state, their office is closed for the holiday. Plus, when I was asking my boss about how long she thought this assignment might last, she said definitely through next week, and possibly indefinitely, since they're using the same temp service to try to find someone permanently! I told her I'd be happy to stay as long as they needed me until they found someone for good. So I might be there longer than the original two weeks that I'd expected, and since I like the people and the job, that'd be great!

Now the thing that sucks is that the temp agency I'm through doesn't have health insurance, and my CHIP coverage ends in about a month. Of course, the average person could just get an individual plan. But not an overweight diabetic!! It really pisses me off. This disease that I didn't choose to have, that I didn't get as a result of being irresponsible, that I inherited from my dad just like my brother, this disease costs me so much money, and more so because no one wants to insure me! I really hate it.

I am happy it's the weekend. I'm looking forward to sleeping late tomorrow! And I can't wait for all the football games! Go Bears!! :)

One Long Day

Today was one heck of a long day. I'm still on my temp assignment, and even though it's really not a bad deal, I spent the entire dang day doing the same thing. Seven and a half hours just inputting data and data and data into Excel. Part of what made it so long was just missing Master. I hate going all day without talking to Him. At the end of the day, I was just itching to get out of there just so I could come home and get online and talk to Him! I can't wait until I'm there. That way, even if I have to be away from Him all during the day, we'll at least actually be together once we're both home. I'll actually get to feel His touch and His kiss.

Saturday

It's another lazy Saturday - just the way I like it! I started a temp assignment yesterday that will last a week or two. It's a decent job and the people were nice, so I'm pleased with it. Even though it'd be nice to never have to work again, since I'm not independently wealthy, it's good to be working a little again. I really missed being able to talk to Master online all day, though, especially since where I was working was so quiet and what I was doing was fairly repetitive. I know the job I used to have where I could talk to Him online while I was there was a rarity. That's part of why I liked my job, though.

I didn't sleep that well at first last night. I was so tired after not sleeping well the night before, and Master and I did our nightly bedtime phone call. But while we were on the phone, his kids - mainly the boys last night - kept interrupting. I was really getting ticked off about it, partly because it's happened a lot this week during our calls and partly because I was so tired and my patience was shot. I tried to just not think about it, but after Master and I hung up and I was trying to go to sleep, I did keep thinking about it, and I just kept getting madder. I finally got up and went online and left Master a message on IM about it. I asked if He couldn't explain to them that's it's rude to keep interrupting someone while they're on the phone. Or, for that matter, in the middle of any conversation. (I didn't put that last part in my message to Him because I didn't think of it.) Thankfully, today He told me that He had a little talk with them about it, so hopefully it will get better. Them going back to school will probably also help. Sometimes I worry that I'm expecting too much. Maybe I'm just used to the way I was raised and the way most people I know raise their kids. Sometimes I think it's a good thing that Master and I aren't going to have any kids together because I think we'd clash too much on the way to raise them.

I'm so excited that NFL playoffs start today! Although I'm a little sad because that means the season will be over soon. Then months without NFL football. What's a girl to do?

Essay Link

I just found this link for an essay on Masters and slaves that I found interesting and insightful, so I thought I'd share. :)

http://www.lili.tanos.org.uk/essay/ms

Distance Sucks

I really hate being so far away from Master. I miss His touch and His kiss. I miss the orgasms He gives me, and the ones I give Him. I miss feeling Him inside me. I miss His care and His commands. I know I could leave here at any time and just show up at His door and never have to leave again. But I also can't just shirk off my responsibilities here before it's time. And I'm still insistent about Him at least meeting my mom before I move there. Master knows and understands all of this, but it doesn't make being apart any easier. Sometimes I miss Him so much it makes me physically ache.

Up Late

I'm up so late because I'm trying to watch all of this coverage about the miners being found alive in WV. When I started this post there were 12 survivors. Now there's only 1. I just can't imagine how all of those friends and families must feel.

Speaking of being up so late, if my ramblings are not quite as coherant, that's why. I got a phone call from Meat this evening. Apparently an old high school friend is getting married in April, and she wanted to know my thoughts on us going. Since the wedding is in South Carolina, I haven't heard from this friend in a couple years, and I have no extra money, I said I wasn't going to plan on going. Since my cousin Kyra is also getting married in April in North Carolina, if I manage to have any extra money to go to a wedding, I'd go to that one!

I was a little annoyed with Master this evening. Well, I shouldn't say I was annoyed with Him. I was annoyed with hockey and that He had me watch it with Him. Like any good Canadian, He likes hockey, although I'm thankful He's not totally fanatical about it. Tonight Chicago was playing Edmonton, so He wanted us to watch that together - me watching here, Him watching there. I think I've watched only one other hockey game in my life - typical American, eh? I don't really know all that much about the sport and don't even care for it all that much, so I wasn't enjoying watching it on TV. In fact, trying to keep up with the puck made my eyes hurt. Master knew I wasn't enjoying it, and I know He kind of felt bad, but I wanted to watch with Him. I wanted Him to know that just because I don't enjoy something doesn't mean I won't follow what He wants me to do or commands me to do. As the game went on, I didn't pay attention quite as closely and only half watched. It helped. I got into a better mood and the rest of our night went very well. I love Him so much. I can never explain the deep need I have to give Him everything.

I'm very tired now. I'm going to go to bed. I love my flannel sheets.

The Beginning

My first blog post. I'm not even completely sure why I've started this blog, maybe other than to just put my own random thoughts and life into the universe along with everyone else's. I'm unique, just like everyone else, right? lol

My life is in the midst of a lot of change. I'm in a loving D/s relationship with my Master, the love of my life. Right now He and I are a couple thousand miles apart, since we found each other online. I'll be moving there to be with Him this summer.

Also, as of a few weeks ago, I'm also unemployed. It was rather sudden and unexpected, and it sucks because I liked my job. But, since I know I'm going to be moving, I don't want to start another permanent position. I've signed up with a few temp agencies, since what I do is office work, but now I'm just waiting for work. It doesn't help that things are slow over the holidays!

So that's today in a nut shell. I'll keep you posted!