Thursday, August 31, 2006

Quote for the Day

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.

-- Evan Esar, Esar's Comic Dictionary

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Meltdown

I cracked today. My fear, my worries, everything from the last few weeks... it all caught up with me. I almost called it all quits. The last two years with Master would've been gone. I was thinking about how he's still not divorced, how he's now got child support payments, how his ex-wife is the dumbest woman I've ever heard of, how any chance we have of ever getting ahead financially depends on me finding a good job, all this big stuff. Stuff I've known, but now it was... too much.

I'm horrible. Why would I do this? Master didn't know what to do. What can he do when I'm doubting him and our whole relationship?

I'm so fortunate that Master is patient with me, that he loves me so deeply that even as I might be walking away, he's still there for me. We talked. I'm just so weak right now, mentally and emotionally. I need him more than ever. I need my Rock.

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Monday, August 28, 2006

Some Thoughts

I've had so many things in my head that I've wanted to blog, but I've forgotten most of them by now. I'm going to be working on a post about all the different things I've seen on all my many road trips. I started thinking about this while riding around in the big Uhaul. I thought about a lot of things.

One of the things I learned from the whole not-crossing-the-border deal, it's how little material things really matter. I was ready to dump all of my stuff if it meant being able to go ahead to Edmonton with Master. Even though that didn't happen, I'm still going to have to get rid of a lot of my stuff. And you know what? I don't care. As I go through my stuff, I just realize how little of it I really need, and how I'm happy to give it up to be with Master. I started going through some of my stuff before I left again. Mom kept asking me if it mattered who it went to and if it was sold or given away. I just kept saying, "I don't care." It was like she couldn't believe how easily I could just let stuff go. (Not that Mom is materialistic. Just a pack rat.) It's a good lesson for me to learn in all of this.

So I was back to work today. It was... odd. In a way, it felt completely normal and familiar. Of course. In another way, it felt like "what the heck am I doing here?" I'm in a different cube than I was before. My old cube has been taken over by the plethora of IT consultants they've got in there. It was a nice cube, though; I knew I got spoiled. For one thing, I had a big window behind me, so I always had a neat view from the 14th floor. But the really great part? With my back to the window, I was facing the hall/walkway, so no one could see my monitor or sneak up on me. I could read blogs and play games whenever, if I was having a slow day. Not any more. I suppose I shouldn't have many slow days anyway, but... you know. My boss - the one that brought me back - is in Texas this week on business, so I won't see her until Tuesday. I'm looking forward to that. :)

I hope everyone is having a good week so far. I'm so happy that NFL football is back, even if it's only preseason right now! :)

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Back in the Saddle Again

I seem to have a theme of country music titles lately. And I'm okay with that.

I wanted to make a little post to let everyone know that I made it back to Chicagoland without incident and my hotel room is fairly nice. There was a bug in the bathroom this morning, but it was just pill bug, so I can deal with that. I didn't even kill him.

I don't have my computer set up there yet, but I'll be doing that tonight after work.

Everyone please keep your fingers crossed that the little money I have will last me until I get paid next week!

One possible upside to being in the States that I just realized yesterday: my one uncle, aunt, and cousin in CA are supposed to be coming to Ohio sometime in October. They don't make it this way very often. In fact, my cousin will be turning 4 in December, and I've only ever seen him once! So I actually am kind of looking forward to getting to visit with them for a bit, and I should be back in OH by the time they come.

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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

On the Road Again...

Willie Nelson has been in my head a lot lately, the above song in particular. I like me some Willie (pun intended, if you like), so I'm not complaining.

I got my old job back, at least for about 6 weeks to help them catch up, tie up some loose ends, stuff like that. I'll be staying in one of those weekly hotels about 2 minutes from the office, and they're upping my pay enough to cover it. Pretty cool, eh? After talking to the boss this morning, I'm starting to get excited. She even said she slept so much better last night because of knowing that I'd be coming back! I've never had an employer want me this much, it's kind of a nice change. lol

Anyway, that means I'll be leaving Sunday to drive back to Illinois for a while. I'll have a puter at work and I'm taking my puter with me, so don't fret all you blog readers, you won't lose me! Originally I was thinking I wouldn't bother taking my puter, but then I thought about not having one on the weekends, and I quickly changed my mind. Since I won't have to clean or do yard work or most anything else people usually spend weekends on, I thought a puter would probably be good to have around!

So, I've got this Willie song in my head since apparently God has decided that I didn't have enough time on the road driving all over the midwest with Master. Oh, I get it, I wasn't the one driving then, so I have to put in my time now, right? Well, at least this time I'm not worried about not being allowed to get there.

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Tuesday Evening

I emailed my boss from my last job in IL yesterday, since she'd wanted to stay in touch, to let her know what had happened. She started trying to find a way to get me back up there temporarily to keep working for her. I guess she proposed something long term to her boss, but he basically gave it a big no. And I can't work remotely because there are too many things that have to be done there (signatures and such). Apparently a little while ago she emailed her boss with a proposal for me to work on a project basis, about 4-6 weeks. She'd up my pay to cover a weekly hotel and gas to and from Ohio. Since they wouldn't have to pay the temp agency I went through any more, that may not be too much more than what they were paying overall from when I was there before. As long as I'm making - after the expenses - about the same as I was before, I'll certainly be earning more than I would for anything around here. So we'll see!

Quote for the Day:
"Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. " -- Norm Papernick

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Monday, August 21, 2006

Small Victory

I got my own puter working again. I'll take my small victories where I can get them right now.

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Sunday, August 20, 2006

Long Story

Last week was... so much up and down. I want to type it and yet every time I try to put it all into words, it just doesn't seem worth the bother. It was so wonderful to pick up Master at the airport in IL. We thought this was the last time, that we'd never have to be apart again now. That feels so long ago now.

Over the next 2 days we (mostly Master) got everything packed up and loaded onto the big Uhaul truck. He was seriously a packing and loading machine. Man on a mission. It was impressive. We left Monday around lunch time to go pick up the trailer for my car. That ended up taking 2-3 hours because the lady at the self-storage place didn't know how to hook it up, etc. Uhaul finally had to send someone else over to the place to hook it up for us. So we left much later than we'd intended, but still got into WI and past the dells before we stopped for the night.

Tuesday was good. Wisconsin is actually a very pretty state. (Who knew WI had bogs? or ferns?) Minnesota is actually pretty boring. We managed to get all the way to Grand Forks, ND to stop for the night, which is only about 60 miles south of the border. The trip was feeling good. We were both anxious about crossing the border in the morning, but excited to get across and really be able to enjoy the rest of the trip.


Wednesday is when everything fell apart. Life as I knew it gone in one fell swoop. I'm not going to go into all the details because, frankly, I'm still not sure I understand it all. Basically, the info that Master had been given by someone at the Canadian Immigration hotline was wrong. Or, more correctly, for the information he was given to have worked would've meant that we would've had to lie. Silly us, not thinking to lie to immigration! We were there for a few hours, trying to find out all of our options, get answers to a lot of questions, etc. It seemed when we left that there was a possibility I could still get through. To make a really, really long story really short, it didn't work. We tried again that evening and it still didn't work. To make matters almost a million times worse, when we turned around to come back into the States, we had to go through US customs, and the second time we did that, they almost didn't let Master back in with me!! They were thinking that since I couldn't get into Canada, he would just decide to stay in the States with me. Thankfully, he still had his daughter's birth certificate in his wallet from when they'd gone to get her SIN soon before he left. I don't know what I would've done if they hadn't let him back in. I wouldn't have had the money to get anywhere and I didn't even know how to drive the Uhaul. Not to mention the fact that he would've been left without any kind of transportation! I just hate border people right now. I told Master that I'd really be hating his country right now except that the US border people were just as bad.

Anyway, the gist of it is that I have to re-establish my residency in the States before I can ever even try to visit Canada again. I have to have a place to live and a job and be here for a while. I had already turned over the keys for my apt. in IL and can't really afford to live there now anyway, so I came to Mom's. I don't think I've ever felt as fortunate to have the mom I do as much as I do right now. I mean, I've kinda dropped a bombshell on her too, calling the day before we get here to ask if I can live with her for a while. Fortunately, I get along with Mom pretty well, and she's not acting like I'm going to be treated like a child. She knows that this was completely unplanned and it's not happening because I'm lazy or a complete slacker or anything. She's actually looking forward to my company and spending time with me. Makes me feel like maybe I'm not such a horrible inconvenience to her by doing this all of a sudden. And that helps a little.

Master and I have come out of all of this with a stronger relationship. He said it wasn't until it all came crashing down that he realized how far I'll go to be with him. I mean, he gets to go back to his regular life, even if I'm not yet with him. There is nothing regular about where I'm at now. But I know we're in this together, forever. Wednesday evening we were stopped for a bit in Cavalier, ND - a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, our reason for being there part of the long story I skipped over. We were both just devastated, knowing I wasn't going to be able to be with him now. Master pulled out a necklace that he'd bought for me. He had planned on giving it to me after we crossed the border, but since that wasn't going to happen... It's a beautiful gold necklace, a thin chain that kind of twists. He put it on for me. He promised that someday he would make me his wife. It looks like a regular necklace, but I know differently. It's my collar. That's one of the few things about this trip that makes me feel good. Thinking about the incredible sex helps too.

So that's pretty much where things stand now. Master and I have to figure out what step we're going to take next in order to get me there. Whichever option we go with, there's going to be forms to fill out and fun things like that. Part of what sucks the most in all of this is that we both spent so much money on this disaster, that we don't know when either of us will be able to afford a plane ticket again. (Insert depressed sigh and frown here.) I know I'll survive this and will eventually get to spend every day with Master. I just wish I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Guess it's too soon for that.

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Saturday, August 19, 2006

Disaster

They wouldn't let me cross the border. I guess Canada doesn't want me yet. I'm at my mom's in Ohio now - having no where else to go now - and I'll probably be here for a while. Thank God for Mom. I've spent so much time crying over the last few days that my eyes hurt. Master is flying back to Edmonton even as I type. I still don't know how I managed to make myself take him to the airport. I sat in the car for 20 minutes afterwards because I couldn't make myself leave, knowing he was there. And I don't even know when I'll get to see him again. Don't be surprised if this blog isn't very happy for a while.

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Friday, August 11, 2006

Possibly last post

Well, yesterday was crap. I was down for the count. I woke up with a terrible sinus headache, took a Benedryl and went back to bed, but it didn't help. So I spent most of the day in bed. At one point when I wasn't in bed, I even threw up. So I got absolutely nothing done. I was worrying about that until I talked to Master for a little while. He just reminded me that we can always leave a day later if we need to, that we've got the time to do that. That made me feel a little better. Before I went to bed last night I took one of my D-Allergy pills. It's a prescription that I keep around for just such occasions. When the OTC stuff isn't working, I'll take one of these. It knocks me out, but I always feel better when I wake up. And that's the important thing!

Master gets here tomorrow. Yea!! Finally!! I'm really glad he's not trying to fly from London, that's for sure! I can't wait to see him and to be in his arms again. It's been over 4 months. It's almost weird that neither of us has to go back to the airport to fly home, that this time is the last time. It's a whole new chapter for us.

Anyway, on that note, this is likely to be my last post until we get to Edmonton! I'm guessing that'll be about a week from now. I don't think it'll take long for my puter to be set up. I suspect I'll be having withdrawal by then! (Don't point your finger and snicker, you all know what I'm talking about!) lol In the meantime, let me suggest checking out any and all of the blogs listed on the right that you haven't checked out before. There are some interesting and funny people over there!!

I hope you all have a good week! I can't wait to get there and ramble on about our driving adventure. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed and/or say a little prayer that we can cross the border without any problems! Next time I blog, I'll be a girl who's finally home with her Owner. :-)

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Sweaty Trip

So, I had a good trip back to Ohio. The rental car was nice. The thing I hate about rentals cars is that it always makes me dislike my own car. lol

Anyway, I got to Mom's on Saturday with just enough time to change and freshen up a bit, and leave for the reunion. I was running around at my mom's so I got all hot and sweaty. I think I've been away long enough that I've forgotten how muggy it can be there during the summer, and I'm not used to it any more. So I show up to the reunion a bit late, but people were just mingling and stuff, so no biggie. I'm still all hot and a little sweaty, and then we go outside to take a group picture. Yeah, that helps me cool off! Anyway, there was a decent turn out, I guess, although not a great one. Most people looked about the same. It was good to catch up with some people and get back in touch with a few. I got some big hugs from my friend George. He gives good hugs, and he's so funny. A few years ago when some of us were getting back together during a college break, I had a little conversation with him.

Suzy: So, George, what have you been up to lately?
George: Masturbating.
Suzy: So, George, what have you been up to lately that I would want to know about?
George: Not much!

Cracking me up. lol So the reunion was nothing earth-shattering, but I'm glad I went. Even if I was hot and sweaty all dang night!

Sunday morning I was supposed to go to church with Mom, but I wasn't feeling so great when I first got up. I suspect it may have been the lovely combination of sweating all night and then not sleeping much. So I skipped church that morning, but got up in time to be ready to go with Mom to Cincinnati and Granna's house. We picked up my brother on the way. Sunday was my Aunt B's birthday, so she and my cousin were there also, since they just live across the river in KY. My aunt is really witty and sarcastic, so I always enjoy being around her. We all had lunch at Panera and then went back to Granna's for dessert. My mom had made a peach pie for B's birthday, but unfortunately as I was carrying it out to the car before we left, I was an idiot and fell down one step going from the house to the garage. I was okay, but I broke the pie plate. It was in a carrier, so it was all still together, so my mom just did her best to transfer it to a new container. Most of the glass was in big pieces, but my mom wasn't sure she got all of it out. Turns out she didn't! So the whole joke became, "Happy Birthday! Have some glass pie!!" lol

My mom's car was acting like it might overheat on the way down. When we left, her window broke and wouldn't roll back up, so it was down a few inches the rest of the time, and the A/C wasn't working real well, so I was just sitting in the backseat - at least until we got to my brother's - just sweating away. It wasn't much better in the front seat. We had planned on going straight to church that evening, but instead we went home to get my rental car. Yea for unlimited mileage on rental cars!

It was nice to go to church with Mom again. For all the hugs I don't get when I'm here alone, they always make up for it. I think this time especially since they knew I was leaving. We had made plans beforehand to get together with some of our friends there afterwards for dinner. So 7 of us went out to dinner. Three of them were 3 of the 5 of a family that we're very close with. It was the dad in the family that rode with Mom and me down to Jiffy's brother's wedding during my last trip back. The other two were the parents of the old friend I wrote about here. I hadn't seen them in a long time, and somehow I managed to lose touch with all 4 of their sons, who were like brothers to me. It was great to spend time with all of these old friends.

Monday I went to Meat's for lunch. Since she had been one of the main people organizing the reunion, she took home the leftover food from the buffet! So I went over there to eat with her and the kids. Her kids crack me up sometimes. Her son is 5 and her daughter is about 2 1/2. They were doing the little game where one of them would say, "You know what?" "What?" "Chicken Butt!!" Only they had expanded it into who, and how, and why. Meat's daughter started asking me, but before I could answer, her brother would answer, so I just stopped trying to answer. About the fourth time, she asked me, and I didn't say anything, thinking her brother would answer, but he didn't. The little one turns to her mom, Meat, and says "I don't think she can talk." LOL Neither Meat nor I could talk for about 5 minutes from laughing so hard!! That may have been the funniest moment of the whole weekend!

Later on I made mention of the fact that when Meat and K get married, their first time together on their honeymoon will be his first time. She said, "Well, he's not as innocent as you might think. You want to know the truth?" Of course, I did. And the truth is that apparently K got his first blow job ever... on my living room floor!! It happened when they spent the night here a couple weeks ago. I was blushing and laughing. And then I told her that I couldn't believe she didn't let me watch. She said, "You weren't? Crap, I thought that's what the mirrors were for!" (My two main closets have mirrors as the doors.) I'll admit it - made me a little horny to think of her sucking him off in the next room, especially since my bedroom door was still partly open at the time!

So that's the gist of my weekend. Mom and I went out to dinner Monday evening, which was nice. I didn't spend as much time sorting through my stuff there as Mom wanted, but I got through a little of it, and I brought back several boxes of stuff to take to Edmonton with me. I cried a little when I said good-bye to Meat, and I did the same with Mom. What was really special to me is that when Mom and I said bye, she told me that she knows Master will take good care of me, just like I'll take good care of him. That made me feel better.

That's my trip in a nutshell. Fun, visiting, and sweating. So now I've got three days before Master arrives!! :)

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Back for a bit

I made it back. I had a really good trip, and I'll try to write all about it soon.

Can I just say how ridiculous it feels to be UNpacking my bag right now?

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Friday, August 04, 2006

Ups and Downs

My squirrel was back tonight! It was so precious. He climbed up onto my balcony, come over right in front of the glass door, and sat up on his hind legs, like he's looking for me! Really made me smile. :) I put some peanuts out while he watched from a couple feet away, then slowly closed the door again, and he started chowing. No divebombing robins this time, so he just snacked away for a little while. It made me so happy to have my squirrel around again. And then it made me sad because I realized that I have to leave him soon. I even started crying a bit. It's been one of those days.

Today was my last day at work. It came fast. I'm going to miss this job. I really liked what I was doing and I liked the people I worked with. I nearly started crying early this afternoon when a woman there, who I would only encounter once in a while, told me repeatedly how much she had enjoyed working with me and that she would miss me. It was so sweet and unexpected.

Then later, before my boss left (she was leaving early for a trip), she called me into her office to say good bye. We both started crying a little. She and I hit it off so well both professionally and personally. I'd even been to her house once. We promised to stay in touch and I really hope that we do. I know people say that and it doesn't happen, but I really want to. I like her a lot and I enjoyed working with her and I consider her a friend.

So with the excitement of it being my last day and the sadness of saying good-bye to everyone, it felt like a lot of up and down. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm all hormonal from just starting my period. I'm not usually a "bitchy" kind of hormonal, I'm more of a weepy, moody kind of hormonal. lol

I leave tomorrow morning to drive to my mom's. I'm looking forward to the weekend for a lot of reasons, but a little part of me is dreading it. It's going to be harder to say good bye this time. I'm hoping that Master and I can make it back to Ohio in February for Meat's wedding. I talked to her briefly this afternoon. She wants me to be in her wedding. I'm so thrilled and honored! She asked if I thought I could make it. I said I would try my hardest. I said I couldn't be sure that I could afford to be there and be in it, but I'm going to try my hardest to at least be there. She understood that. I missed her first wedding completely, since I was out of the country, so I really want to make this one!

Anyway, I'll be gone for a few days, so no posting. I'll have a few days when I get back before Master gets here, so I'm sure you'll all hear from me during that time. Then probably no posting for about a week as I get packed up and moved! So now you all know what to expect. :P

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Hot

You know it's hot when someone can do this. Not a bad idea, I guess. lol

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Thursday, August 03, 2006

Thursday Tidbits

I discovered Diet Pepsi Jazz Strawberries & Cream at the store last week. Yummy! Of course, knowing my luck, they probably won't have it in Edmonton. lol

This morning I saw a squirrel outside my apt. in the tree. It wasn't my regular squirrel. I've seen this one before, but only a few different times. He has a different kind of face, which is how I can tell. (Don't laugh, I know these things.) He wasn't getting divebombed, so either that robin wasn't around or his winged wrath is only directed at that one particular squirrel. Because he can also tell the difference!

I get to pick up Master at the airport in 9 days!! I have so much to do between now and then!! lol

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Tuesday morning

Suzy gets laid in 11 days!! :)

This is my last week of work, which feels kind of weird. Saturday morning I'll be leaving in a rental car to drive to my mom's in Ohio. Saturday night is my 10 year high school reunion. Eek! I'm not sure if I'm excited about it or dreading it. lol Sunday is church and getting together with people. Monday was supposed to be just going through stuff of mine at Mom's, but as it turns out, it looks like I'll get to see Jiffy and her family again that day, although not for a good reason. Her aunt died and the funeral is Monday, so Mom and I will probably be going to that. Her aunt actually lived in Florida, but she doted on Jiffy, so she's probably pretty upset. I'm still glad I'll get to see them, though, and hug them again.

Talking with Master on Sunday night about this coming weekend, it really hit me that this is my last trip there for... a long time. I don't even know how long. I just found out yesterday that Meat and her boyfriend are about to be engaged and are going to get married sometime in February. I hope Master and I can be there for it, but I don't know. To think that it could be a year or more before I'm there again blows my mind. It made me cry thinking about it. Hard. Yeah, I'm used to being gone, but this is longer and farther away. I don't doubt my decision to move in the least, but that doesn't mean it's always easy.

On a funnier note, I was meeting with my boss and my counterpart, Sally, yesterday morning for a bit. Another lady here has some files in Sally's cube and we were talking about having her move them and how to go about doing it so as to not ruffle any feathers. Our boss just said that she'd tell the other lady - who also works under her in another capacity - that she'd peeked in Sally's drawers and saw that they were about to overflow, so she needed to move her files. Holy crap. We all got a big laugh about the thought of the boss "peeking in her drawers and seeing that they were overflowing." These people crack me up sometimes.

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