Friday, December 29, 2006

Little Funnies

Mom and I went to see The Pursuit of Happyness yesterday afternoon. It was a good movie. Will Smith does a lot of running in the movie. I have to say I found it amusing, though, when we got to the little theater here and Mom said, "Two tickets for Happyness, please." And all this time we've been told you can't buy happiness! lol

Wednesday Mom and I left early for church so that we could eat dinner at Cracker Barrel and run a couple errands before we got there. One of my Christmas gifts was a copy of the book Wicked by Gregory Maguire. I originally bought it a couple years ago, but then let someone borrow the book and, of course, never got it back! So I had taken the book with me to read in case we got to church really early. I started chuckling to myself as we walked into the restaurant. When Mom asked me what was funny, I told her I was thinking about walking into church with a book entitled Wicked with a picture of a witch on the front! :)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

After Christmas

OK, so... my brother actually was sick. So I guess I can't be mad at him for that. Although the whole time we were at Granna's, with the exception of when we ate, he slept. And he slept in the car, even though he told us that he had trouble sleeping. Hmm...

Anyway, my Uncle D and his family from Houston are going to be arriving at Granna's on Friday, so we'll be having our Christmas get together with everyone probably on Saturday. We just kind of ate and hung out on Monday.

I'm peeved with Mom at the moment. (Didn't I say that this much time together wasn't good for us? lol) She was talking to a family friend on the phone this morning and telling them that Master and I are going to be getting married so he can sponsor me to move there. After she got off the phone I asked her to please not tell people that we're getting married because we're not sure that we are right now. She said she thought we were going to have to for him to sponsor me. I said there's a possibility that he can sponsor me another way. So Mom says, "Well, if he sponsors you as a family member without being married I'm going to be very disappointed." Thanks, Mom.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas

My mom and I went out to lunch today after church. I went to the restroom on our way out and while I was drying my hands, an older woman came out of the other stall. She looked to be around 80. She walks out and says, "I have such a time getting my clothes up and down." How could I not laugh at that? lol

My brother, as usual, has been kind of a Grinch this year. He and I agreed a few weeks ago to go in together for a gift for Mom, and he volunteered to get it. I figured since he's still not working right now, finding time to do this wouldn't be an issue. Apparently I was wrong. He put it off and put it off until he supposedly got sick and couldn't get it. Right. So I got to brave the crowds on Saturday to go buy a DVD player. Thankfully, the crowds weren't as bad as I expected, so that was nice. But Brother, still claiming to be sick, said he couldn't join Mom and me for a little Christmas today, so Mom and I opened gifts without him. However, he's miraculously better and can go to Granna's in Cincinnati with us tomorrow. Sometimes I have a hard time not just thinking my brother is complete crap.

Despite that, today was a good day, even if the Bengals did lose in Denver. I got some nice gifts and some nice cash, and that always makes a girl happy! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. Merry Christmas!!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Little Fear

As some of you may have noticed, I have a dandy stat counter on my blog. Through this, I can see how many people have visited and, in most cases, where they are visiting from. Pretty cool thing. Except that once in a while if I see that someone has visited from a place where someone I'm related to lives, I have a little bit of nervousness. Not a lot, just a bit. This bit of fear that they've somehow randomly discovered my blog and are now going to reveal it to the whole family, or even just Mom. And that's sure not what I need.

So... if any of you reading this are family or good friends of ours? Read all you want, but please don't tell, okay? Thank ya. :)

Thursday, December 21, 2006


I have a crappy sinus headache this morning. Let's hope the drugs kick in soon.

My car is fixed and working much better now. No smoking. The man from church was able to fix it. Turns out I had leaky valve cover gaskets in my engine, so oil was getting into the spark plugs and just puddling there. The smoke was all of that oil burning off, and my car was dieing because the oil in the spark plugs was killing the fire to keep it going. It all makes sense now, doesn't it? I'm just glad it's fixed!

Mom is off of work all next week because of the holidays. I'm not super excited about that. I'm not sure we can stand that much time together in close quarters.

Monday, December 18, 2006

An Intruder? A Ghost?

Saturday night was the first night I've ever spent alone in this house, since Mom moved into this house after I'd already moved to Chicago. I was in the study talking to Master online when I got up to go get something from my room. The hallway had been dark, but this time there was a light on in my mom's room. I had a moment of "oh crap, I didn't turn that light on." Then I remembered that Mom has that light - as well as one in the living room - set on timers. The one in the living room, I'm used to. And even though this light in her bedroom has been on every night, somehow I just kept thinking she'd turned it on manually, even though she'd told me from the start that she had it set on a timer. I'm just so glad I remembered that or I would've been freaking out!

Mom took Granna to the doctor on Saturday. Granna's getting ready to move into a senior living place and she's required to have a physical before she does so they can make sure she does, in fact, belong in the independent living section and not the assisted living part. Granna, in her whole life, has always been thin. Always. My aunt Cyndi is the same way, slim as she can be without being flat out skinny, so I know some of this is genetics - which I didn't inherit! But in the time that I've known Granna, she has gotten skinny. Really skinny. We've never figured out why, because she certainly eats. The last time she went to the doctor, she weighed 80-something pounds, and she's as tall as I am. This time? Granna weighed in at a whopping 78 pounds. With her coat on. I don't know what else to say about that.

Mom and I discovered last night that there's a man at church here who knows some things about cars, so he's coming by this afternoon to check out my car to see if he can determine what the problem is. If nothing else, he might save us some money to diagnose it, and he might save us more money if it's something he can fix himself. I think Master is surprised sometimes by all the little connections we have because of people at church, but it sure does come in handy! There's a family at church that beween the grandfather, father, and son, they fixed my mom's snowblower and helped move some of my furniture to be donated to a disaster relief organization that's run through some other people at church. So to say thanks, Mom and I took them out to lunch one Sunday a couple weeks ago. Good stuff, eh?

The Bears won yesterday, but just barely in overtime. The game shouldn't have been that close, especially since the Bears had a 21 point lead at one point! But a win is a win, even if it's not pretty, so I'm not complaining. Tonight's Monday Night game is between the Bengals and Colts. I'm a fan of Peyton Manning and I usually cheer for the Colts, but the Bengals are one of my teams, so I have to pull for them. Go Bengals!!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Smoke Signals

Thanks for all of the recent comments. More than anything, it shows me how much people care, and that they really just want what's best for me. While Sunney asked some questions that I've already asked myself, I've also been able to find the answers to those questions. And, as a certain dandy capybara pointed out, a lot of this is just between Master and me. Part of what this blog is for me is a place to talk - or vent - about my relationship with Master, good and bad, because it's not something I can do much of in "real life," as I mentioned a long time ago here. Our relationship isn't perfect, nor do I expect it to be. It would be unrealistic to expect that, because no person or relationship is perfect. Some days are harder than others, but I don't have to wait to say vows to believe that I'm already in this "for better or worse."

In other news, I am currently without a vehicle. Oh, my car is parked out in the driveway as usual. I just can't drive it right now. "Why is that, Suzy?" you ask. Well, my dear readers, I was running errands yesterday morning, including getting an Ohio drivers license, when on the way home, my car started to smoke. Then it died when I was stopped a red light. I was able to get it started again, but then it was really smoking the rest of the way home. Fortunately, that was only another mile or two. When I got home and turned the car off, the smoke just kept coming out for a minute. So... I'm not driving right now! And I'll be having the car towed (thank God for AAA) to have it looked at sometime this coming week. If it's going to cost more than the car is worth - which isn't much - to fix it, then we'll probably just scrap it and... I don't know what. But I'll keep you all posted!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

It's Just Thursday

Master and I have worked through things. I think sometimes I just need a "firm hand," so to speak. And, in the end, he and I are both still learning, about each other and about this relationship. It's always a work in progress, isn't it?

In class at church last night (yes, we go on Wednesdays too) there was a young couple sitting together that made me jealous. I've known the girl, Erica, since we moved here as her parents also go to church there. Her husband started coming with her when they were dating, and they were married summer before last. They're a few years younger than I am. Last night in class, Erica was sitting with one leg crossed over the other and her crossed foot was tucked behind Brian's leg. It was sweet and simple... and it made me envious and ache for Master so much. I even struggled a little not to cry because it made me miss him so much. Being apart is just torture.

Mom is leaving Saturday morning to drive to Granna's and pick her up to take her to a doctor's appt. Mom's going to stay the night and go to church with her Sunday morning and then drive back sometime Sunday afternoon. You know what that means... party at Suzy's!!!! Okay, not really, but it does mean that I'll get to spend a lot of time with Master on Saturday without having to worry about tying up the phone line or being interrupted by Mom. So we're both really looking forward to that!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

What goes up must come down

Last night the Chicago Bears played on Monday Night Football in St. Louis against the Rams. It was a really good game (if you were a Bears fan). Rex Grossman was finally back in the swing of things and Devin Hester had a great game, setting a new record and all. The Bears won 42-27 and so their record is now 11-2! That makes me happy!

After the game was over, I got ready for bed and called Master, as I do every night. This is the part of the night where things went downhill. I've been feeling rather pissed off and frustrated lately - and not just because of my period (which is finally lightening up). Master is still legally married to his ex-wife. I've made clear to him from day one how I feel about this. The papers to divorce could have been filed as far back as February, but they weren't filed til sometime this fall. I understand that the reason for the delay was Master's worry about how much child support he'd have to pay, how much the divorce would cost, financial things like that. (Of course, in both of our opinions he shouldn't have to pay any child support since 2 of the 3 kids live with him, but that's another story.) So I understood the delay, even if I didn't like it.

The papers finally get filed, only to find out right before my visit that they had filled out one form when they should've filled out a different one, or something like that. So Master has to do some of the forms over, and part of what he needs is some financial info from his ex. Only we find out on Sunday that she's too dumb to find - or keep - the info that's needed. That could mean that we'd have to wait til next month to get the info, but Master had said beforehand that if she couldn't find it, that he'd still fill out as much as he could and go down to the courthouse to see if he could submit it anyway, since it's not his info that's missing. So I figure that he'll have as much filled out as possible already so that if the Ex had the info, he could plug in the missing info, and if she didn't have it, they'd be ready to go. And I figured he'd have them ready to go by last night so he could take them this morning. Seemed like a logical thing to me, espcially since Master can only go to the courthouse on Tuesday mornings because of his work schedule. But no. Master said he didn't want to fill them out partially ahead of time because it would make it harder when he had to go back and fill in the rest, and he'd make more mistakes and it'd just end up taking longer. Okay. I haven't seen the forms, I don't know what all is involved, so I'm not going to argue that point. But then he didn't fill them out last night because he just didn't feel his head was clear enough. That means that he can't take the forms this morning, and that it'll be another week at the earliest that he can go there. Of course, even when he does go, there's no guarantee that they'll accept the forms since some of the info is missing!

We had a heated discussion last week because I was upset over feeling like he's been dragging his feet in getting this divorce filed and finalized. Master was hurt that I would think that; I'm like, look at what's happened, how can I not think that? And that was even before last night. He says he wants to show me that he's not dragging his feet, but then... It's so hard to put your life in someone else's hands and feel like they're willing to set it aside for when it's convenient. My life, and my life with Master, CANNOT move forward until this is taken care of. I'm stuck here at my mom's, unable to even make any kind of concrete plans about when I can fly up there again, until the divorce is finalized. Seeing as how we can't get married for him to sponsor me to immigrate there until he's divorced! Silly laws. My life is being held hostage by something completely out of my control. And I just feel like my patience and understanding is starting to wear a little thin.

A couple times over the last couple weeks, I've wondered if I'm strong enough to deal with all of this and go through everything we'll have to go through to get me there. Sometimes I'm just not sure. I'm getting so tired of feeling like a broken record, repeating how I feel about things and never seeing any changes, stating from the beginning how I felt about being in a relationship with a married man, even if it's only on paper that he's still married. And yet, here we are, steps being taken, but still in the same boat. Master says I need to trust him and that he's doing everything he can to get me there. I just keep thinking "actions speak louder than words." I just don't know what to do any more.

Monday, December 11, 2006

The Grinch is Jewish?

If you don't want to be portrayed as a Grinch, then make a request, don't threaten to sue.

Why it sucks to be a girl...

Having your period. It just sucks. Last month my period was lighter than usual. Last month, I'm thinking "yea!" So, this month, it ends up being heavier than usual. I've had more cramps than I may have ever had before. So this month - or at least the last 4 days (so far) - I've been thinking "it sucks to be a girl!" I heard a little thing once where someone - you know it was a stupid man - said "Don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die." At least the stupid man said something funny.

I called a temp place here that I worked for between college and moving to Chicago, and I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon. I didn't think they'd still have me in their system, but they did. I'll still have to do all the testing, but at least it shows my track record from when I was there before, which is nice. Even if it sucks to have to go be interview-y kind of nice and polite when I'm on my period.

All you men better be super nice to all the women in your life, especially when they're on their periods. Why? Because Crabby Suzy said so, dang it!!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Some days it really SUCKS to be a girl.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Exotic Bridesmaid Suzy Part II

Sorry the link didn't work. If you still want to see it, try going here instead. The page I originally linked to was just the picture, so you all wouldn't have to see how much it costs. lol

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Exotic Bridesmaid Suzy

Meat and her fiance K are getting married in Feb. Meat had asked me to be in her wedding from the start, but of course, with my life up in the air, I wasn't sure that I'd be in the country for it! Since it now appears that I'll be here at that point, I told her - if the offer was still open - I'd love to be in her wedding. So I get to be a bridesmaid again!

Since Meat is half Indian, she decided to use Indian-style dress for herself and her bridesmaids. She hasn't chosen the color yet, but you can go here to see what outfit I'll be wearing. I'll get to be exotic! ;)

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Sandman, get your mind out of the gutter!

I had a crazy dream last night. I'm not even sure I should be admitting that this is in my subconscious, but I'm hoping someone will have some kind of interpretation that will make more sense than the dream itself!

I dreamt last night that I was at my grandad's (Dad) house in Texas, only it wasn't really his house (you know how that is in dreams sometimes). On that side of the family, I have a cousin Kara who's a year older than I am, and she was at the house too. The three of us were watching TV and Dad fell asleep, as he is prone to do. So Kara turns to me with this wicked gleam in her eye, and then suggests that we fool around! I was speechless, but I guess she took that as agreement, because she took her shirt off. I won't go into any additional detail, but let's just say that in the dream, I was a willing and active participant in getting busy with my female cousin!!

You can imagine the unsettling feeling I had when I woke up and remembered that. So... anyone have any ideas what the dream might actually mean? Please?

Monday, December 04, 2006

Quote as a Post

I have stuff to babble about, but don't feel much like doing it today. So, instead, a quote that I thought was hilarious!

See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
-- Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo