Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Fish

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
-- Scott Adams, Dogbert; Dilbert cartoons

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Monday, October 29, 2007

Freakin' Awesome Day!!!

My mom told me last week that she'd sent a box, but wouldn't tell me more than that. She just told me that it's a surprise. Well, it arrived today. Inside were a bunch of these bagels!!!! I was so happy I chuckled out loud when I saw what was inside the box. Doesn't my mom rock? :)

Then right after the box came, the mail arrived. My passport was in it with my immigration visa inside!! That means that Master and I can make our drive down to the border this Saturday and I can become a Canadian Permanent Resident!! It also means that once I do that, I'll be able to start working!! Well, that's if what they told me on the phone is actually true, and I still always take what Immigration says with a grain of salt. lol

This is just a freakin' awesome day!! :) :)

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Sunday, October 28, 2007

Talking and Not

Master and I stayed up really late Friday night (I think it was around 2AM when we finally went to bed) just talking. Most of it was about money and how we're going to handle bills and such once I start working. It was a great discussion without any frustration or either of us getting upset. I did, however, get frustrated as we were finishing up and for about the 5th time that night, Master interrupted me while I was speaking. It's a bad habit he has and what makes it worse is that he doesn't realize he's doing it. Drives me crazy sometimes. But we decided that I should just start making him more aware of when he does it so he can try to be better about it.

One of the things we discussed Friday night was how we were going to handle buying food. Right now we buy mostly the basics and it's not always that great. I've been looking forward to being able to buy better food ever since I got here. Master's perspecitve is that he doesn't like to spend a lot of money on buying good food since you're just going to turn it into poop. So we were discussing how to handle that, as well as trying to sort out if we say anything to the kids and, if so, what to say to them. We left it saying that we should think it over and come back to it later.

The next day when I come up the stairs on my way to taking a shower, there's Master in the kitchen with Alice... already talking about food and after I get a job! Master said that I was probably going to have better food than they would because I wanted it. I tried to downplay it some, because Alice is the kind of person that could very well be resentful of me buying good stuff for myself and them still eating mostly the same kind of stuff. (Which is one reason why Master and I were discussing if/what to say to her and John.) I went on up to have my shower and as I was thinking about it, I started getting rather upset. I was upset that Master and I had talked about wanting to talk to both kids together. I was upset because when I walked into the conversation, Master was making it sound like I was going to be buying all the best stuff in the store, which isn't true. I was upset because this involves me too, and I feel like I should've been a part of that conversation.

Master was in the bathroom when I got out of the shower and noticed that I was quiet. I told him why I was upset. He apologized... but then told me that he did it because it just came up on its own and because Alice seemed in the mood to reasonably talk about it. I think it really gets to me when people apologize by saying "I'm sorry, but..." A lot of times it just feels like a cheap apology to me somehow, and that's what was happening with Master. I just told him that if he was going to do things on his own like that, don't even bother discussing it with me in the future, and then I just walked out. I was mad.

Master came downstairs later after he'd had his shower. He had me come sit with him on the bed and then a little later he combed my hair. I wasn't saying much at first. Then I finally started talking, trying to explain all the things that upset me about what happened... and Master interrupted me in the middle of a sentence. I honestly have to wonder how much he's actually listening to what I'm saying when it keeps happening like that. Anyway, I started crying and got up and walked into the next room. I was just so hurt and upset.

Master left with the kids to go to the store without saying anything more. I knew he felt bad and I kinda felt like he should. While they were gone, I left to go to the park. I was just stewing sitting in the house and it was a relatively nice day, so I decided to get outside and read and watch the animals. I felt better by the time I got home. Master was napping, but we talked when he got up. I cried a little more. I told him that what really got to me about the whole thing was that, for me to really submit to him, I have to trust him very deeply. And I felt like I had taken a step back in doing that today. He had taken something that we had agreed upon and done something completely different. He apologized, and this time there were no "buts" included. I felt a lot better after that, like we were back on track. :)

Today we all went with Master's parents and his brother and sister-in-law to have some family pictures taken. Master's mom had some sort of coupon or special deal thing for Wal-Mart, so that's where we went. However, there was a screw up with whoever made the appt. for W-M and we didn't get all the pictures we were supposed to. I felt kinda bad for the girl actually taking our photos because she obviously didn't know about it and the girl who seemed to be in charge was too cowardly to actually come talk to us herself. Anyway, we got some of them done, but we have to go back next Sunday to take the rest. The fun never ends! lol

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Friday, October 26, 2007

There was a slight dusting of snow on everything this morning. Here comes my first Canadian winter!

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Last Night

Master and I spent last night with just each other. It was a great night. After he got home from work and had a quick bite to eat, we left to go to my favourite park (the one with the muskrats). I haven't been there much lately because of it getting cooler and darker much earlier. In fact, it was completely dark by the time we got there at... 7:30, maybe? We started just strolling through the park. Fortunately, the moon was pretty big last night, so we had some good light from that. It was nice. :)

We went home after our moonlight stroll in the park and just hung out in our room, watching some TV, having a little snack. Then Master combed my hair for a long time and I just completely zoned out. I just never get enough of that!

We also talked yesterday about my post from Friday night/Saturday morning. I know that I get upset about little things that aren't that big of a deal, and I'm trying to work on that. But we also talked about how Master can help me with that, and what I need from him overall. It was a good discussion. :)

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Monday, October 22, 2007

Halloween Funnies

My mom sent Halloween cards to Master and me, as well as one to each of the kids. I thought the 2 she sent to Master and me were pretty funny.

Master's read:
(Front) I like to dress spooky for kids who come to the door.
(Inside) Sometimes I even do it on Halloween.

Mine read:
(Front) Want a good scare this Halloween?
(Inside) Sit down and make a list of things you do exactly like your mother.

Hee hee!! :)

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Saturday, October 20, 2007

Right Now

I hate that I get upset over little things. I hate crying silently so no one will know that I'm crying. I hate being disappointed over and over. I hate wanting to run away and then realizing that I have no where to run to. I hate feeling lonely. I hate the thought running through my head that if I want something done right (or sometimes at all), I have to do it myself. I hate feeling like I'm struggling.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Late Night Action

Two of the last three nights, I haven't been able to sleep when Master is ready to go to bed. So I stay up and play Pogo while Master sleeps and then I crawl into bed a little while later. But even then I can't go straight to sleep. Why? Because it is so much dang fun to wake him up for sex!!! You know, sliding my hand down and gently wrapping it around his penis, snuggling into him and giving him little kisses, that kind of thing. Holy crap, I get a kick out of it. I like it because, you know, it's sex with my Owner. But I love it because I know how much he loves it. It turns him on in a big way when I come get it, when I tell him that his baby needs her cock. And while he's always the one in charge, what man is seriously going to go back to sleep once he's heard that? So much dang fun!!! :)

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Sunday, October 14, 2007

What to do

It's been one heck of a weekend and it's not entirely over yet. When Master signed us up for the paper route, which we ended up doing for only one day, the bonus they gave Master was vouchers for free tickets to an Edmonton Eskimos game. There were only a couple games left, one this past Saturday afternoon and one next Friday night. Since it's October, we figured it would be better to go to an afternoon game! So Master, his dad, his brother, his brother's wife, and I went to the game. It was nice weather (sunny and cool) and a good game, although we lost. It was still fun, though.

Today has not been so good. Master and I were up late last night. At first we both couldn't sleep, but then I started fading, but Master was still wide awake. He kept talking and debating as to whether he should stay with me and keep talking or go upstairs and watch TV or try to sleep. I was tired (esp. since I hadn't slept well the night before) and he was starting to get on my nerves. I finally told him that I didn't care what he did, just to make a freakin' decision! Then he felt bad and said he would go upstairs. I told him not to bother. Partly because him going upstairs would still keep me awake and partly because I was ticked off enough by that point that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep anyway. I got up and took a blood test and my blood sugar was getting a little low, so I went upstairs to get something to eat. Except I just stood in the kitchen being mad. Mad at Master and mad because when I came upstairs, Alice had left a dish in the sink and a used paper towel on the counter from when she got something to eat after coming home from work. So I decided to go for a little drive and get a snack. I wanted some air and to not be in the house for a bit.

Master asked if he could come with me and I said okay. We didn't go far and I just got a little milkshake and we came home. I felt some calmer, but still kinda ticked. See, here's the thing. I am not by any measure, a neat freak. However, I was raised in a fairly clean home and I was expected to keep things clean also. I had to clean my room every week, including dusting and vacuuming. Part of my mom's reason for wanting things clean is because she's allergic to dust and mold, so it affects her health to be in a dirty house. I don't mind some dust and things like that as long as it's not too bad. But it drives me nuts when people make a mess and don't clean it up. Especially in the kitchen. Drives me nuts. I would blame it on the kids being lazy or just not paying attention, but Master's the same way. It's like he just doesn't see it, doesn't pay attention. And because he's like that, he doesn't feel like he can get after the kids about it too much. So, in the end, I'm the only one that's bothered by it or really seems to care about it. I've told Master repeatedly how much it bothers me that no one cares or cleans up after themselves (esp. when it would only take about 30 seconds most of the time!). He usually tells me I'm too sensitive about it and that I shouldn't let something that small bother me. Maybe. I guess when it happens just about every day, to me it's not something small.

I've struggled with this before. I didn't even tell Master for hours today why I was in a bad mood because I knew how he felt about it. He finally made me tell him and I got the same response I always do. He doesn't want me to clean up after the kids because then he can't teach them to do it themselves. Nice idea, but if he doesn't teach them, then what's the dang point? I've finally just given up today. Apparently, if I want something done, I have to do it myself. If I want to live in a clean home, it's on me to take care of it. And, while I'm not working, I'll have plenty of time to clean up after everyone else while they're all gone during the day. I really don't want to feel like the house maid, but I really don't know what else to do. When I've left it to Master to handle... I just still end up getting ticked off and frustrated because people leave messes everywhere. It's just taken me this long to finally realize that I'm on my own about this one.

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Thursday, October 11, 2007

Ritual

It used to be that once in a while, I would sit in front of Master on his bed and he would comb my hair, usually before we went to bed. We've started doing it much more often in the last couple weeks. We aim for nearly every night, although it's probably closer to every other night. I love it! I soak it up like a sponge. I just zone out and it also relaxes Master. He loves my hair and it makes me feel so special when he talks about how much he loves it, as he's combing it. My hair is the longest it's ever been because Master asked me to grow it out for him. He's a got a real thing for long hair. And I love knowing that I can please him with something like that. Sometimes we'll start out talking while he's combing, but after a while I just zone out, except for making little happy noises now and then. It's one of my favourite things that we do. :)

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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Vodka Drip?

Cats

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

-- Doug Larson

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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Weekend Stuff

Master and I had a fantastic, wonderful day on Saturday. Why? No kids!! lol John was at his mom's this weekend, which hadn't happened in several weeks. Alice was here the beginning of the day, but then she had to work. Master and I left around lunch time to run some errands (including getting my passport sent off), so we didn't really even see her much as she'd already left for work by the time we got home. We got naked ate the Chinese food we'd picked up on the way home (which didn't turn out to be that great, IMO) and watched some CFL football. That part wasn't that great since the Edmonton Eskimos weren't playing well. Then we curled up together, snuggled, talked, and then fucked. ;) It was just so wonderful to have all that time to ourselves to do whatever we wanted without interruption!

That night Master and I went to bed, but ended up talking for a while so that Master got hungry before we'd gotten to sleep. He asked me to come upstairs with him while he ate, so I did even though I was pretty tired by that point. After we got to the kitchen, Alice heard us and came downstairs to also get a snack, so the 3 of us were sitting around the table for a little while. After Master finished eating and was ready to go back to bed, he told Alice that we're done and going downstairs. She said, "Why did you say we? Suzy can speak for herself. You know people have their own voices." A little mockingly, but mostly serious. I had to work hard not to giggle. Master just said, "Well, I can see that she's tired and she only came up here because I asked her to come with me." That answer seemed to satisfy her, but Master and I had a chuckle about it once we got back downstairs. lol

The rest of the weekend, which was a 3-day weekend because yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving, was fairly uneventful. We spent most of Sunday at his parents house hanging out. Yesterday I tried making cookies because I suddently had a craving for cookies, but only had the bare ingredients in the house. So I found a recipe online for sugar cookies and tried making them. They turned out alright and everyone seemed to like them okay, but they weren't terrific. I used Splenda instead of sugar and added a little Splenda brown sugar for flavor. The main problem I ran into was how dry the dough was. Dry dry dry. As I was getting into it, I recalled that my mom had the same problem when she was here and was making pie crusts. She used her usual recipe and it was just crumbling and dry. So I'm not sure if the air is really that dry here or if there's something else going on. I ended up adding an extra egg and some canola oil to get the dough moist enough to make into balls to bake. But, since they turned out okay, I'm not going to sweat it too much.

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Friday, October 05, 2007

Smack That

I was lying in bed with Master last night and we were talking and snuggling before we went to sleep. I started to hear dripping from the next room and wondered aloud if I'd accidentally left the faucet dripping. Master said he'd go check because he needed to pee anyway. He discovered that I had, in fact, slightly left the faucet on and teasingly called me a bad girl. I said, "I guess You'll have to spank me." Now, when Master had first gotten up, I was lying on my stomach. By the time he came back, I had rolled to my back, but with the lights out, he didn't realize that. So he rolls back into bed, reaches over, and gives a playful smack... to my stomach! I went "Oof!" I could almost hear Master thinking, "What the... ?" We both just cracked up laughing!!

Another bit of good news! I called immigration yesterday to ask some questions and get an idea of what happens from here. Basically, I have to send them my passport. Then they mail it back with my immigration visa inside. After that, Master and I have to drive down to the border so I can then cross back into Canada from the States. (Apparently they call this a flagpole procedure because You just turn around at the flagpole. lol) I was hoping we wouldn't have to go all the way to the border (since it's about 6 hours one way) and that I could instead just go to the airport and let the immigration people there take care of it. But apparently I have to actually leave and come back. But after I do that, they'll give me my papers and my permanent resident card will arrive about a month later! The good news in all of this is that I thought I had to wait until I had my PR card before I could work. Not so! Apparently the papers that I'll get at the border will be what I need in order to work. So depending on the timing of everything, I could possibly be working by the end of November!! :)

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Thursday, October 04, 2007

And There It Goes

So yesterday was my first day on the paper route. And it was my last. I didn't know until Tuesday that I actually had 2 routes to do and for those 2 routes, I'd be getting about $200 a month. So you figure that's $25 for each delivery day, since there are 2 per week. Yesterday I had to deliver flyers (advertisements) and the free newspaper. Well, by the time I put all the flyers together to be included in the paper and tried delivering them... I spent 7 hours on all this crap yesterday!! At the end, Master and John were helping me too. We ended up not even delivering to every place. By then, Master had already decided that it wasn't worth all this, so we figured, why bother? It was dark when we finished and we hadn't had supper yet, with trying to get it all done. And what with only doing it one day, we probably won't get paid at all, so there just didn't seem like much reason to keep going.

So, since we still need more money, we're going to focus our energies on trying to drum up more business for Master. He does computer work on the side and can make pretty good money at it, so we're going to try to get more of that going. So keep your fingers crossed! :)

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Monday, October 01, 2007

Great Day!

I'm sitting here crying happy tears! I just got the mail and there was an envelope from the Canadian Consulate in Buffalo, which is where my application is being processed. THE PROCESSING OF MY APPLICATION IS COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are still a few more steps I have to go through before I'm a permanent resident, but I was expecting to have to wait months to even get this far. I'm so happy and so excited I can hardly stand it!!! :)

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