The Latest

There's not a whole lot to report about Peachie right now. We haven't heard back from the guy at the body shop, so I don't know yet if he's been able to find a new hood for her - which I doubt will happen - or if he's willing to go ahead and try to straighten her current hood. I guess we'll see.

I told Master that it was so nice to not be alone in this. I was thinking back to when I lived in Chicago and any time something would happen, I'd have to deal with it alone. Granted, that can teach you some things, but it also get old in a hurry. It's just wonderful to lean on someone else when crap happens.

My Poor Peachie

My Peachie got a little crunched last night. I had parked on the street in front of our house (which pissed me off, but that's a whole different story). I gave the stupid big truck I parked behind plenty of room, but apparently it still wasn't enough. I go out this morning and the hood my car is all bent and sticking up because he backed right into it! And, of course, didn't leave a note to apologize or offer to pay for the damage or anything. I'm so upset. The only good part is that the hood seems to be the only real damage; Peachie's still running as usual and everything seems to be working.

Master took some pictures in case we ever need proof of anything, so maybe I'll post those later. I just hate that this happened. I cried off and on while I was on my way to work, and then I get here and start telling my co-worker about it and started crying again. I know it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I'm still really upset. I mean, I've only had Peachie for a year and even though she's technically 11 years old, since Granna hardly drove her, she's closer to being new! I mean, even now she only has 16,000 miles! It just really sucks.

Eh... Long Weekend

I had off work for Good Friday, which I'd been looking forward to for some time. This is the busy season at work, and while I'm not usually having to put in extra hours, it is busier and so a little more stressful. So an extra day off sounded great to me! Friday was alright, although not terribly exciting. Saturday was... horrible. I woke up with a headache like I'm not sure I've ever had before. Master had already gotten up to have breakfast and I was slowly getting up later. I was feeling a little hungry, which is why I decided to get up. I had just gotten out of bed when I thought "I'm going to vomit." And I did. Right as I was finished, Master came back downstairs, so we both went back to bed for a little while. An hour and a half or so later, I got up to go to the bathroom and got sick again. Over the next 4 or 5 hours, I got sick 3 more times. In the end, we think it must have been food poisoning because the whole thing lasted less than 10 hours, even though I had a headache the whole day. But I have no idea what caused it. Everything I ate Friday is stuff I've had before, none of it tasted funny, and none of it seemed undercooked when I ate it. So who knows. But Saturday was basically a lost day since I was sick. Thankfully, I was feeling okay enough by evening that I could have some mac & cheese.

Today was okay, but also kind of felt like a lost day. For one thing, I'd vomitted hard enough the last couple times that the middle part of my body is sore. You know how it is when you're forcefully sick, and you end up using muscles in such a way that they don't like being used, and you feel it the next day? Yeah, that's me today. Today, in addition to being Easter, was also my MIL's birthday. So we left around lunchtime and went to Master's parents house. We had a little cake and then sat around and did nothing for a couple hours, then went out to an early dinner. Neither Master nor I really like going to their house because we almost always end up being bored. I took a book this time, but I still felt bored. Then we go out to dinner and I'm stuck down at the end, across from the empty chair. I'm sitting next to Master, but all the other adults are down at the other end of the table, so most of the dinner I'm basically listening to Ricky be loud about a bunch of random stuff. And frankly, Ricky can really wear on my sometimes, and today was one of those times. So even though the food was good, I didn't really enjoy dinner either. Whenever we go to Master's parents house, I just feel like I lose a day of my weekend and it can kind of put me in a bit of a foul mood. I know Master kind of feels the same way, which is part of why we don't go there as often. But since I'd already lost Saturday of my weekend, I'm feeling kind of cranked that I basically lost Sunday as well.

So much for my long weekend that I was looking forward to.

Business Funny

On my way to work this morning, I'm passing a truck (not a regular pick-up truck, the kind of a bunch of equipment installed on the back), and on part of the back of the truck, it reads in bold, black letters: "This Job Sucks." I'm thinking, "Is the boss really okay with that?" Then I get up along side of the truck and discover that the truck belongs to Suck U Sump Service for septic tanks! That gave me a good chuckle this morning.

A Revelation & Hormones

Last Tuesday I had my "fitness consultation" at the gym. When you sign up there, they require you to have this consultation with one of the trainers. Of course, you have to pay extra for it, even though they require it. So I met with one of the trainers. Before you get there, there's this little booklet they give you that you're supposed to fill out, answering questions about what your goals are in joining the gym, what you eat, if you have any pain in your body, any health problems, all that kind of stuff. So we went over that, and then she checked my height and weight and all my various measurements. Then she hooked me up to this little thing to check my lean body mass (I think). Turns out my LBM wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My "good weight" would be about 160. Being only 5'4", I always kinda figure it would be more like 130 or something. So I was happy about that. Granted, I still have a ton of weight to lose to even get close to that, and I don't know that I ever fully expect to lose quite that much weight.



Anyway, I was talking to Master about it a couple days later, and he said, "Well, yeah, you don't have a small frame." It hit me that no one had ever told me that before. I even started crying - it was such a revelation! All my life I'd just been told that I was overweight, which I am, but no one had ever said that I wasn't supposed to be as little as everyone else either. Even in elementary school, in our class pictures, there'd be all the pretty dainty girls... and then me. All this time I just always thought I was fat, and even though I am, it's nice to know that it's not as bad as I thought.



I'm on my period this week. Such a joy, as always. For some reason, my hormones seem to have gone buckwild at the start of this period. I normally get a little moody, maybe kind of weepy, but nothing too horrible. But this past Sunday... I don't know what happened! In the morning I cried. Why? Heck if I know. Master tried to comfort me, which made me cry more because I couldn't even tell him what was wrong and he was being so sweet. Then later in the day I was just crabby and cranky and had to work really hard to not bite everyone's heads off. Honestly, I really hate using my period and hormones as a reason/excuse for acting strangely like that, but at the same time, I know it's the reason behind it. Dang hormones!!

I hope everyone's having a good weekend. Master and I had awesome sex today! I have some scratches down my back from it! I love being owned by him and being his whore! :)

Bizarre

This story is one of the most bizarre things I have ever heard of. Seriously.

It's a Whole New Ballgame

Master and I sorted things out from Sunday. Our biggest problem, sometimes, is that we just don't communicate well enough yet. We'll talk about all kinds of things, but not some of the little things we have going on in our heads. It doesn't help that I have a tendency to get upset quickly. We agreed that something like what happened Sunday could easily happen again - he thinks one thing is going on, I think something else is happening - but that we just need to handle it better. Master is going to work on being more commanding, more in control. And as part of our efforts to move in that direction, we've decided to talk a little about it every day. We have our conversations about a lot of stuff when we go to bed, when we can be alone and not (usually) interrupted, and now we're going to include this. After we talked all this out, to really "seal the deal," we had great sex! Of course! :)

When Master got home from work yesterday, and after we'd eaten dinner, he told me some big news: he no longer has a job. It was kind of by choice, and kind of not. He worked for a small computer business and worked there for a 11 years. However, in the last couple years, his boss (the owner of the business) has seemed to be getting increasingly dumber. As a result, this guy seems to be running his business into ground. I told Master long before I ever even got up here that I would be glad when his income no longer depended on this guy. And recently, Master had already decided to start looking for another job.

But apparently yesterday, the boss starts telling Master how soon he's going to make everyone part-time. Master told him that he has a family to support and that he needs full-time or he's gone. So... he's gone. In a way, I'm relieved, because now it means Master has to find another job, and it'll most likely be a better one. We're also fortunate that Canada has different laws about this kind of thing, so because he worked there for so long, he gets 8 weeks of pay even after he's not working there, and possibly severence too. So we're not completely screwed right off the bat. We're also fortunate that the job market here is still good, as was evident in it only taking me about a month to find my job. But I'm still scared. I hated telling Master that last night, not wanting to make him feel bad, but I have to tell him everything. He said he's scared too, but we'll be okay. I believe we will be. But I won't be opposed to any prayers and good vibes people send our way!

I'm starting to get the feeling like Master is never going to be as in control of things, and of me, as I need or want him to be. And that just makes me feel sad and alone. Like I came here, but I'm still as on my own as I was in Chicago.

Last night when we went to bed, I told him I needed more. He said that it's easy for him to not make decisions about little things (like where we should eat dinner) because it doesn't really matter to him, but that he should start doing more of that, because it still shows he's in charge. I told him I would like that, and if I ever had a reason for not wanting what he's decided, I would tell him. That all sounds resonable enough, right?

So this morning - before we get out of bed - Master tells me that he wants me to have breakfast with him and shower with him, and then we'll go pick up John (who was at his mom's this weekend). I told Master that I had in mind that when he went to pick up John, I would go do a little shopping that I needed to do. Master wanted to know why we couldn't all do that after we got John. I told him that I usually liked shopping by myself because otherwise I felt rushed, knowing that everyone else was just standing around waiting on me. So he said I could do my stuff on my own, even though he sounded really disappointed. Of course, then I felt bad, and started crying, because I would've been okay with Master being there, but I knew it was more likely that John would be impatient and wouldn't want to do the shopping I had in mind to do. So we just agreed that I'd just do my shopping on my own.

After that I get up and start getting ready to go upstairs for breakfast. Master was ready before me and went upstairs without me, saying that he was going to start making breakfast. I started crying, feeling like because I didn't want to do the shopping with everyone, that he'd just given up on everything he'd wanted us to do together today. So I go upstairs a little later, and we barely say anything while we eat breakfast. I finish first and come back downstairs to take my insulin, get my robe, stuff like that. Master finishes breakfast and just goes on up to take a shower, without saying anything to me.

I feel like crap. I feel alone. I feel like I want to submit, but I have nothing to submit to. I feel like I keep telling Master I need more, I want more, but he'll only do more for a day or two, and then forget all about it. So then I end up feeling like I can't submit because I still have to take care of myself. If I don't do it, nobody else will... which is exactly how I felt living in Chicago. Alone.

Flashback

I went to the gym again Wednesday night. I walked 1.41 miles! I also lifted weights on just a couple machines for my arms. I have one sore area on my right arm for some reason, but that's it.

There's a gas station right by the gym, so afterwards I stopped to get gas. I had a sort of flashback while I was pumping my gas. It was like I was on another road trip to Texas with my family at Christmas time. As I've mentioned before, my family used to drive to Texas every other Christmas to spend the holidays with my grandparents there. Something about being at a gas station at night while it was cold, with some flurries, and the smell of gas... it all just felt like so familiar and took me right back to those road trips. It's been a long time since those trips, and while I don't miss spending 24 hours in the car with my family, I miss everyone being together. How happy we were to finally get to my grandparents house, and how happy they were to see us. It's funny how just the right situation can really bring back memories, even the strange ones... like gas stations in winter!

Ah, now I remember

I saw a coyote on the way to work this morning! That was kinda cool. I kind of skirt around the city to get from our house, on the NE side, to where I work, on the south side. The coyote was near the interchange from one highway to another on the SE side of the city. I have to say, I like being in a city that's big enough to have everything we need (and more), but still close enough to wilderness and open spaces. That makes me happy! (I saw some deer once in Chicago at the nature preserve across from my apt. complex, but I was just sad for them.)

So... what's in the water these days? Bearette is pregnant. So is Liz. Meat called a few weeks ago to say that she and her hubby are expecting their first child (since her other 2 kids are from her first marriage). And then I find out on Friday that Jiffy is pregnant too!! I was a little hurt at first, because it was my mom who told me, who'd found out from someone else. So I'm hearing that one of my best friends in pregnant probably fourth hand. But as I was thinking about it, I recalled that, when Master and I decided last spring that we were going to get married when I flew up here, Jiffy found out through the grapevine as well. And even though the situations are kind of different (since Master and I never made any kind of formal announcement to anyone and were never officially engaged), I still can't hold it against Jiffy that she hasn't called or even emailed about it. I'm going to try to call her sometime this week to talk and get all the news!

I went to my new gym this weekend. One thing I like about this place is that every time I've been there (for the tour, to sign up, and now to actually use it) I've always seen other "normal" people there. Not everyone is super fit and thin and perfect. And that makes me feel less nervous or self-conscious. Not that I'm extremely so anyway, but... you know. I didn't lift any weights, which I plan on doing normally, but I did walk on the treadmill. I walked 1.26 miles. I know that's probably not much for a lot of people, but I felt pretty good about it since it was my first time. My walking song is Da Funk by Daft Punk. I put that song on and I can just go and go. It's got a great beat to walk to!

Sunday morning I went with Master, Master's brother Chip, and Chip's wife Melinda to the Auto Show in town. I have to admit I was not looking forward to it and was only going because Master wanted me to. I love to drive. Love to. It's like therapy to me a lot of times. But I don't care about cars. Master and Chip are really into cars, and I think Melinda even gets into it a little. So, I tried to enjoy it, but most of the time I was just bored. It didn't help that I'd woken up with a sinus headache and it wasn't going away. It also didn't help that my blood sugar got low while we were there. Master told me later that he was surprised by how little I cared about the cars. I told him that it would be like looking at a bunch of clothes that I'm never going to wear or buy. So why do I care about them? If I was actually looking at buying a car, then I'd pay more attention, but even then, I'd really only be paying attention to the cars that I might actually buy, not just any car I think is cool. So we'll see if he still wants me to go next year. lol

It's snowing right now, but fortunately it's warmer lately. We got above freezing most of last week, I think. A lot of the snow from earlier has melted, so it almost seems like spring. Almost.

Um

I had things that I think I was going to blog about, but now I can't think of what they were.