Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Back to the Grind

I'm at work. I don't really want to be here. Shocking, I know. I really enjoyed my days off and it's hard to come back, especially because after getting all rested and relaxed, I then didn't sleep well last night because of a couple different reasons. So now I'm back to being tired.

I'm not sure what to blog about, but I felt like writing and it lets me put off doing work a little longer. I did walk at Elk Island yesterday, and I didn't get stung or bitten by anything, but it was a relatively short walk. I got a later start than I meant to, and I wanted to leave in time that I wouldn't run into rush hour traffic getting home. I didn't see any animals except birds, from a distance, but the weather was really nice, so I still enjoyed it.

I had a big realization last night (which was part of why I couldn't get to sleep). Alice was being an absolute bitch last night right before we went to bed. When that king of thing happens, I always really want to say something to her, but I don't. I can't. Master and I have agreed on that. As much as I'd like to, I know it's better if I don't. At the same time, I don't think Master's as tough on her as he should be. And so, there's never really that much of a change in Alice's attitude and behavior. We were talking about that after we went to bed, and it hit me what I'm missing here. When I lived in Chicago, I had my own place. I lived alone and it was my space. Even when things were horrible (and I had some really bad times in my 5 years there), I still had my home to take refuge in. I had a safe haven. I could have calm and quiet whenever I wanted or needed it. I don't have that here. I cried last night once this all sort of hit me. Feeling like I'm still not completely at home here yet, feeling like I have to leave our house when I need calm and quiet. I told Master that I don't expect everything to be wonderful all the time and that we're all just going to float around on clouds or something - we all know that life doesn't work that way! But I don't want to feel like the house is a battleground. I don't want to feel like I have to go somewhere else to be at peace. I want to feel at home when I'm at home.

I know Master's trying. He's confident that Alice will get better as she matures. He's willing to tell her that she can live at home for free while she goes to college, as long as she saves the money for her tuition. I'm terrified that she's going to live at home while she goes to school. Master said that if she stays as she is now, then he won't let her live with us. He's just sure that that's not going to be the case. I wish I felt as confident about it.

Part of my concern has to do with Alice's influence on John. Master and I have already noticed that any time John spends a lot of time around Alice, then he starts coping an attitude and being more disrespectful like she is. I told Master that I don't want to have to put up with all that crap from John too. I don't want to be miserable for the next 8 years, just waiting until they move out to actually be able to feel at home and enjoy life. Alice is old enough that I'm unsure how much of a relationship I'll ever have with her, especially any time soon. But I like John. He's a good kid, he's smart, he's got a good sense of humor, and when he's good, I can have fun being around him. I don't want that to change because he picks up on Alice's behavior and attitude.

It breaks my heart a little to feel like I'm making things harder for Master. I know he doesn't like Alice's crap either, but I think he'd put up with more of it if it weren't for me just because he can tune her out and so it doesn't bother him. It also breaks my heart a little to feel like I'm still not completely at home here. I'm coming up on being here a year and a half. Can you believe it's already been that long? A year and a half. I don't want to have to wait that long again to feel at home.

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Saturday, September 27, 2008

Awesome Weekend

I am having the best weekend I've had in a long time! For one thing, it's a long weekend for me. I have some vacation days on hand, so I thought I'd use a couple. I took off Friday and I'll be off Monday, so I have a 4-day weekend and I get 2 short work weeks! Friday I got to sleep a little late and be lazy. I talked to Jiffy for a while. She's pregnant with their 2nd baby and due pretty much any time. They know it's going to be a boy, but they haven't completely settled on a name. She sounds really ready to not be pregnant, so I hope the baby comes soon!

Today has been such an awesome day! Master and I slept in (of course). John was supposed to go to his mom's this weekend, so Master and I had been planning a lot of time together, since Alice would be working. But then Bertha made excuses and didn't really want him to come. So after we were up and Master'd had his shower, he took John to his parents house to spend the rest of the day and stay the night. He'll pick him up sometime Sunday.

Master has been making a real effort recently to be more in charge, more in control, because that's what I need from him. And we knew that having this time along together would be a good chance to really delve more into that, into D/s, into us and our relationship. After Alice left for work, things got hot and heavy. Really. I won't go into detail, but we fucked for what seemed like a long time, we were both making a lot of noise, and I have scratch marks down my back! We both really needed that. Afterwards we hopped in the shower for a bit to clean off a little, then watched TV for a bit before heading out to dinner at Chili's. After that we went to the cheap movie theater to see Get Smart. It was hilarious!! If you haven't seen it, I would recommend it. I laughed and laughed!

So that's my great weekend so far. I'm happy, well-rested, and taken care of. I can feel Master getting used to being a little more in charge, even just with making decisions about little stuff that doesn't really even matter. It was kind of funny, when we were watching TV this afternoon, we were watching The Dog Whisperer. I told Master to pay attention because he could probably learn some stuff about being a good pack leader. lol

Tomorrow we're going to have to do some cleaning, so that won't be as fun, but I'll get to watch some football, so that's a good thing. Monday is supposed to have some really nice weather, so I'm planning on walking at Elk Island again. Hopefully I won't get stung or bitten by anything this time!

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

some mornings

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
-- Emo Phillips

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Saturday, September 20, 2008

Elk Island Today

I went to Elk Island today to walk for a while. Today was probably the last really nice day we're going to have this year and I wanted to take advantage. I went to a trail I haven't been on before. It's a long one - 16 km - so I knew I wasn't going to walk the whole thing, but I would just go as far as I could and figure I could still make it back. I walked for a little over an hour and a half, but I don't know how far I went. I couldn't really figure it out by looking at the map, but I'm guessing it was at least 5 km.

There wasn't a whole lot to see today. I was there in the middle of the afternoon, which isn't the best time to see animals, so it was no surprise that I didn't see any. However, I did pass one thing that I thought I'd share. I couldn't figure out what these were when I first saw some, and I finally asked Master. He said they were anthills! They are so much bigger than any anthills I'd ever seen before, and I figured it might be the same for the rest of you. So, may I present, an Edmonton anthill!!



I also got 2 bee stings today while I was walking. I was in this grasslands/marsh type area and was standing on a wooden slat bridge kind of thing, and I felt something on my arm. I looked down and saw a bee, so I went to swat it away, and it stung me! I somehow got stung on my other arm too. I'm looking down, thinking "What the heck..." and I noticed several bees flying around my feet and ankles. So I took off running!! (I hear Forrest Gump in my head saying "I was run-ning.") I didn't run far, but I seemed to lose them. I'm thinking there must be a beehive under the bridge-thing and they didn't like me standing there, even though I paused on it both coming and going. (I got stung on my way back.) Anyway, I'm thinking that these Canadian bees are a little more vicious than the average American bee. It's been a while since I've been stung, but I don't remember it hurting like it did today! And it looked worse. My camera seemed to focus on the plants behind, but here's a picture of one of my bee stings about 10 minutes after I was stung.


I think I'm going to call the park tomorrow to let them know about the hive, since that's not a terribly good spot for it. I don't know how bees survive the winter up here, but I'm thinking they wouldn't want to leave the hive there either way.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Quotes

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
-- Jerry Seinfeld



I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it.
-- Queen Juliana, of the Netherlands

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Sunday, September 14, 2008

Scenery

I'm kind of crabby today. I'm sure part of it is just PMS, but there's more to it than that. I just don't really feel like blogging about it. Or anything else for that matter. So I thought I'd post some pictures instead. The first one is a blurry rabbit that briefly came to say hi last weekend while we were camping. The rest are ones that I took yesterday at Elk Island.











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Thursday, September 11, 2008

This is what happens...

... when I'm alone at work with nothing to do. I ended up having to wait around a long time to see the doctor last night, and the lady said I could leave and come back if I wanted to, so that's what I did. There was a big bookstore nearby, so that's where I went. I bought a few books, and started reading Towelhead. Bearette recently mentioned it on her blog, and it sounded interesting, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I didn't get to read a whole lot, but I brought it to work with me today, knowing I wouldn't have enough to do today. I just finished reading it! I couldn't put it down, and it made me cry a little at the end. I felt like I could really see the characters in my head, really feel for some of them. It'll be really interesting to see what the movie's like!

Master brought food and ate lunch with me here on Tuesday. Most of his work is in a different part of town, but he was near here that day. He likes to stop by when I'm here alone. I know he likes to see me, but I also like to think that he also wants to check on me being alone, even though he's never said that. This time, we were having a good time making out. And, well, you know what that leads to! We had a good quickie in the little breakroom!! I was smiling the entire rest of the day because of it!! :)

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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Today

I'm by myself at work most of this week. Paul is at Canadian HQ most of this week and won't be here again until Friday, and Kim is on vacation this week. So it's just me. I always kind of enjoy when I'm here alone just because I can kind of do what I want a little more. However, right now, I'm bored. I don't have enough to do and there's no one here to give me more to do. I have one thing I could be working on, but I don't really feel like doing it, and it's nothing urgent. Besides, I still need something to do tomorrow!

I'm going to see the doc after work today. I had my regular blood tests a few weeks ago, so I have to go find out what the results were. I'm sure it's no big deal since, when the office called, they just said I needed to come see him, not like "Get in here soon!" While I'm there, I'm also going to ask him to take a look at my ankle. It's been about 6 weeks since I twisted it, and while it's certainly better than what it was originally, the ankle itself is still a bit swollen, and there's still a bit of pain with it sometimes. It could be that that's normal and it just takes a really long time to heal, but since I don't know, I want to ask.

Is anyone else as excited as I am that the NFL season has started?! I know Master's not. lol He says it's not even real football - CFL football is. Supposedly football was invented in Canada (I've never looked it up to verify that), and so CFL is the "true" form. Whatever. I can certainly enjoy watching CFL games, because it's still football to me, but I'm into NFL more just because that's what I've been watching a whole lot longer and those are the teams and players I'm familiar with, you know? I'm trying my hand at fantasy football again this year. Last year didn't go so well for me, so I'm hoping my team does better this year. I think part of the problem is that I still don't really understand how ESPN does their fantasy drafts, so my team is never fully my fantasy team. But, it's free and it's just for fun, so I don't sweat it too much. I'm just excited to get to watch my teams again!

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Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Jury Duty

I was talking to Mom last night. She was telling me that my Aunt C in California received a jury notice not long ago. It was apparently her eighth notice in the 20-some years that they've lived there! She's already served at least 3 times, so it's not like she always gets out of it either. But she was kind of feeling like she'd had enough. She had signed up for a college course to learn Web design. Since full-time students are excused from jury duty, she went back and signed up for more classes, and sent them a copy of her schedule so that she could be excused. But then she went back and dropped the extra classes!! I thought that was hilarious!!

I actually received a jury notice from Alberta a few weeks ago. What's funny about that is that Master, Paul (my boss), and Kim (my co-worker) have all lived here their entire lives and none of them have ever received jury notice. I'm here (officially) less than I year and I get one! I discovered a reason why I might not ever become a Canadian citizen, though. Since I'm not a citizen, I'm excused from jury duty! I feel a wee bit guilty for not wanting to do my civic duty and all, but it mostly just sounds like a big hassle to me. Besides, I figured it's a fair trade-off; I can't vote, so I shouldn't have to do jury duty!

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Sunday, September 07, 2008

Congratulations to Liz on her new baby boy!! :)

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Thursday, September 04, 2008

Away Again

I meant to do a real post about last weekend, but have run out of time. We're leaving after work tomorrow to go camping for the weekend with Master's family. I'm not real thrilled about it, but I'm trying to keep a good outlook. Mainly, I'd just rather sleep in my own bed - or any bed - rather than in a tent. We have an air mattress, so I'm hoping that helps. Oh, and Master's brother snores like it's the end of the world, so I'm not sure how well I'll sleep because of that too.

Anyway, here's a picture to last you until I can do a real post. This was taken in Canmore, which is the town just before you enter Banff National Park.

Yes, that's snow. On August 31st!!

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Monday, September 01, 2008

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.
-- Mitch Hedberg

That made me laugh. :)

Master and I had a fairly good trip. More on that later!

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