Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I really don't feel like working today. Too bad I have too much to do to slack off entirely.


Sunday, April 26, 2009

Back in the Groove

I bought a couple rose plants today! I'm so excited! But I'll go into that in a later post. I just wanted to share because I'm excited!

I think Master and I are okay now. We had another BIG talk the other night - Thursday, I think. It seems that part of the issue has been either miscommunication or lack of communication. As in, we talk about the whole snoring thing 6 weeks ago. I don't say anything more about it because I don't want to be a nag, and I trust that he'll take care of it. I'm still nudging or shaking him a little during the night if he snores, but apparently not to the point that he fully wakes or remembers it the next day. So he sees it as being okay because I'm not saying anything about it. Oy. Why hasn't he learned to read my mind yet, dang it? :P

At least now he's riding his stationary bike most days, since the weather still isn't great (it's snowing/raining outside right now). And he told me that he liked Kitty's comment from my last snoring post - if I'm not sleeping because he's snoring, then he shouldn't be sleeping either. (Thanks, Kitty!) That seems to be helping. I think if I can get to sleep, then I'm usually okay as long as Master doesn't really snore loudly. So maybe he just needs to stay awake until I fall asleep. lol

I got a really good night's sleep on Friday/Saturday. I took a couple Benedryl an hour before bed, which makes me really sleepy. And I put earplugs in around 3:15 AM when I woke up because Master was blowing his nose a lot, and because Ricky is here this weekend and he tends to wake up and make noise before any of the rest of us want to be awake. I felt good yesterday. I felt rested and happy. Last night when Master and I went to bed, I had to... well, I didn't let him go to sleep right away! We had some good sex. What did I do when we were finished? I cried. (Holy crap, I am such a girl!) Master, of course, was a little caught off guard, and he asked me what was wrong. I snuggled into his chest and whimpered, "I didn't realize how much I missed you." The last couple months, we've had sex here and there, but not a lot. I think I've just felt down because of the stupid weather and not getting enough sleep and everything. That's not exactly a turn-on, especially when it's your spouse that's usually causing the lack of sleep. Master just pulled me into him even more. He was so happy that I said that. He said, "I was afraid you were bored of me or something!" We just held each other so tightly, feeling like maybe we were going to be "us" again. Master also gave me a command: I must must must tell him any time something is wrong. It doesn't matter if I'm repeating myself, it doesn't matter if I feel like a nag, I must tell him.

We cuddled and fucked again this morning before we got up and got going. It's so dang good to feel like I'm his again, to feel connected again!! We haven't gotten to spend a whole lot of time together since then because we've been doing different things (he's watching some racing right now), but it's okay. I don't feel lost any more. :)

And our 2nd wedding anniversary is Monday!!

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

I can't think of a freakin' title

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. Nothing's been resolved or fixed. In fact, things feel quite broken at the moment. I feel completely disconnected from Master. I'm just going through the motions. I don't say much. I feel like I just need to take care of myself and leave it at that.

But I don't feel like talking about it for now. It is what it is. Instead, I want to show you the pretty flowers I got yesterday!

This is Administrative Professionals Week or something. So my boss and co-worker sent me flowers and the 3 of us went out to lunch yesterday. It was nice!

You know, a while back I thought I was going to look for a new job. I even started looking for a new job. But the last few months, I keep going back and forth on what I want to do. Really, the only part I don't like about this job are the actual tasks. I know that sounds like a big part, but it's only part of it to me. Most of the tasks I'm doing aren't bad, really, they're just kind of boring and not challenging. I was going to look for a new job because I didn't want to spend my career being bored. I still don't, but... I like everything else about this job. The hours are good, the office is nice, and I like the people I work with. The job might be kind of boring, but that also means that it's easy and rarely stressful. The salary is alright, I get a yearly cost of living increase/raise, and a bonus if we have a good year. I have great benefits, which is a HUGE consideration for me. As a diabetic with a million prescriptions, it's a big deal to have good script coverage. I already get 2 weeks vacation, and starting next summer (I think) I'll get 3 weeks. My boss and co-worker (who's also kind of like a manager) don't micromanage me, and they don't make a big deal of little things. It's not a tragedy when I run late in the morning... which happens more than I'd like to admit.

Do you see my dilemma? What would you do in this position?

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

And the beat goes on...

I'm banging my head against a brick wall. Master and I had a nice walk along the river tonight. On the way home, the whole snoring thing came up. Again. Things got heated. Again. He thinks if he takes a decongestant, there's a 20% chance that he'll die. Seriously. I try suggesting that he try using the Neti pot... more than once a month. He says that the last 2 times that he used it, it gave him a headache, it made his sinuses "tight." I suggest that maybe if he used it regularly - daily, even every other day - that maybe it wouldn't have that effect. "But if it gives me a headache, why would I want to do it more often?" Gee, I don't know, maybe because your wife can't get a good night's sleep! If there were another room in this house where I thought I could sleep, I'd do it. There's a spare bedroom, but no bed. I could try to crash in the living room, but between an uncomfortable couch and Alice's room right above it... yeah, you get the picture.

Master claims that I don't trust him to take care of it. I figure that I brought it up 6 weeks ago, Master said he needed to get in better shape... and then did nothing. I suggested at one point that he ride his stationary bike that's in our room. He said he wanted to wait one more day - because he hadn't been feeling well when I made the suggestion - and then he never rode it. And he's offended that I don't trust that he's going to take care of it?

I'm frustrated and I'm pissed off. Of course, the situation isn't helped by me feeling tired most of the time. I just want to be able to get a good night's sleep that doesn't involve ear plugs. Anyone know of good sleep aids that aren't addictive?

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

This is What's Up

So here are more thoughts on the snoring thing. I've suggested and almost pleaded with Master on more than one occasion to go see a doctor. He won't. He's nothing if not stubborn. He generally thinks that all doctors are idiots. (Sidenote: several years ago he had a problem with his entire body swelling up for a time. He saw several doctors including a specialist at the U of A. They did tests and studied him and never figured out what the problem was. It eventually went away on its own.) Master's thought is that he just needs to get back in shape. Not that he's super horribly out of shape (like me), but he's not in the shape he was a few years ago. And he's said himself that he noticed the snoring happening more often when he got out of shape. And while he's not willing to take a decongestant, he will use a Neti pot. I bought one for each of us a while back. Part of our problem there is just remembering that we have them and can use them! We're also thinking getting an air purifier or ozone maker something-or-other. While it really drives me nuts to put up with his snoring, I'm willing to not do anything dramatic and at least give him the chance to try to get back in shape and see if that helps. I have told him flat out, though, that I'm not wearing earplugs all the time (I don't mind doing it occasionally) and if he doesn't figure out a way to fix the snoring on his own, then something more dramatic will happen. Don't ask me what that will be because I don't know.

Now, on to better things! Yesterday was my birthday. Lordy, I am getting old. 31. I still don't know how that happened. I'm at that point where I'm noticing that I'm getting older. It used to be that someone in their early 20's wasn't not that much younger than me. Not so much any more. Oy.

I had a good birthday. Master was originally going to take me out to breakfast - I'm still searching for great pancakes here! - but we slept so late that we decided to skip it, although we still went out to grab a quick breakfast and bring it back to the house. We ate breakfast and lounged around. Master gave me the first part of my gift from him - seasons 4 & 5 of Friends! They were the only 2 seasons that I didn't have. I was so happy! So we watched season 5 for a little while. Then we cuddled up and snoozed. Then we had great sex! :)

After that we both showered and got ready. We left to take the LRT downtown and went to eat at the Old Spaghetti Factory. Chicken parmigiana is my favourite thing ever, and I'm having trouble finding a really good one any more. We had a good dinner, although it's still not the best chicken parm. Following dinner we drove out to Elk Island. The weather was quite nice, but we didn't see any animals except for a few bison.

You know what made it a really nice birthday? Feeling like I was getting spoiled. Master didn't let me pay for anything or do anything for myself. I know that won't happen all the time, and I don't expect it to, but it was so nice to have that for a day. I told Master more than once that I was really enjoying it and that I appreciate it. I think maybe he gets it now.

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Free Flow

Things just don't seem to be going well this week. Not that things are horrible. They're just... not good.

Have you all seen "Hope Floats?" You know that line from Sandra Bullock to her movie daughter when they're driving into her old hometown? "Once upon a time your mama knew how to shine." That's kinda how I've been feeling the last few days. I've lost my ability to shine.

Sometimes I think I need to make some friends here. I honestly don't have any friends in Edmonton (or Canada) outside of Master. And I'm more social than that, or at least I used to be. I miss the interaction with different people. But whenever I think about trying to make friends... for one thing, I don't even know how I'd go about it. Secondly, I'm just not sure I have a lot of time for it. I already feel like I don't get enough time with Master, and then I'd have to have less? I don't know.

I'm feeling disconnected from Master lately. Again. Some of my aggravation lately has been with Master and his snoring. He snored all winter, which happened some last winter too, but it seemed worse this year. And here it is, mid-April, and it's still happening. For a while Master said he just needed it to get warmer and it would better. Now he says he needs to get outside and ride his bike and then it'll get better. I'm not holding my breath. In the meantime, with me being a light sleeper, I either don't get a good night's sleep or I have to wear earplugs every night. I don't like wearing earplugs every night because it makes my ears feel funky after a few days. But since I do like getting some sleep and because Master refuses to take a decongestant or go a see a doctor or do anything more than roll over and blow his nose when he snores... what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm frustrated, and Master and I had a big discussion about this a month or so ago when I was frustrated about it then too, so talking to him about it again isn't going to make much difference. I think it has a lot to do with why I feel disconnected from him right now.

Am I the only one who, once in a while, still wants to feel like I'm being wooed by my husband? Like it'd be nice if once in a while he would actually plan a date for us instead of just asking what I want to do that night? Especially since Master and I never got to date normally anyway? Or it'd be nice to have a little surprise gift once in a while? I'm not talking about anything expensive. For something like that, it really is more about the thought than the gift, you know? Maybe I just feel like we're in a rut. Already. And we haven't even had our 2nd anniversary yet.

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Saturday, April 11, 2009

In the Meantime...

Some day I will have the time and motivation to put together a real blog post again. Really, I will. To tie you over, here are some pictures I took last night on a little trip to Elk Island!

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Sunday, April 05, 2009

This Sucks

I just got home. I went to the mall because I needed a couple new pairs of shoes from the sports store. My plan was to go to the gym after the mall. After I got back in my car at the mall, I took a blood test because, obviously, I don't want to exercise if my blood sugar isn't high enough for it. My test was 3.6, which is low. It really shouldn't get below about 4.5 and it needs to be at least 7 if I'm about to go work out. I thought, "No biggie, there's a Burger King near here. I'll just get a milkshake and drink that before I hit the gym." So I drive-thru at BK and get a big chocolate milkshake. Mmmm. I drink and drink and suck on that thing. It wasn't all that far to the gym, so once I get there, I pull out a book and read and drink and drink. I suck on this milkshake for 20-30 minutes, and I've drank at least 2/3 of it. I take another blood test... and it's still 3.6. Sigh. I just gave up and came home.

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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

What's in a name?

The other students from my college that were in Oxford with me are putting together a little 10 year reunion of our semeter there. (I can't believe it's been 10 years!) I won't be going. I wasn't terribly close to any of the others, and didn't stay in touch with any of them after I graduated, although I've gotten back in touch with a few of them through Facebook. Even if I were still living in the States, I'd probably only go if it were within driving distance because it's just not worth a plane ticket to me. It'd be nice to go, but not for any great expense.

Anyway, as people were trying to track everyone down, it was discovered that one of our group has an interesting name now. One of the girls was Tracy. Apparently she married a guy with the last name Tracy. And yes, she took his last name. I think that's hilarious! I think if it were me, I'd have kept my maiden name. I just can't imagine introducing myself - "Hi, I'm Tracy Tracy."

One of my duties at work is going through contracts for people who work for us during the busy season to make sure that every thing is signed and we have all the forms we're supposed to have. It's the part of my job that I hate more than anything. It only happens once a year, but since we're talking about thousands (I think) of contracts, it's not something that gets done quickly. Anyway, I came across an interesting name yesterday: Wood, Lone. Now, maybe it's pronouned like Lonny or something, but I just kept wondering if there was really a lone wood out there. lol

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