Weekend Away

I leave tomorrow around lunchtime to head to Lake Louise for the weekend!!  This is from the two free nights that I was given at work a couple months ago.  I'm really looking forward to it and I'm so excited!!

Going Home

I won't go into great detail because there's no need to.  I spent a week at my mom's and basically spent the entire time visiting with old friends and family, and relaxing.  Sunday after church was lunch with a couple friends.  Mom took Monday and Tuesday off of work and we drove down to Cincinnati.  Monday we met an old friend for lunch (at LaRosa's - YUM!!!), then met up with my cousin that afternoon, then met some other friends for dinner.  We spent the night at a hotel in northern KY.  Jiffy (yay!!), who lives in southern KY, drove up and met us for lunch (at Abuelo's - YUM!!!), then we went over to some old friends' house for a couple hours, then we drove up to Dayton to have dinner with Brother and his girlfriend at their house.  We were just going from one great time to another for two days!!  As my mom said, "I've never done anything like that before in my life.  That was fun!" 

I had a nice time with Brother and his GF.  This was the first time we'd met even though they've been together for a few years now.  I like her!  She was nice and seems to have a good sense of humour.  Since there's a good chance she's going to be my sister-in-law someday, I'm glad that I like her.

Wednesday I just stayed at home while Mom had to go to work.  What did I do all day?  Watched TV and knit.  Vacation, baby!!

Wednesday night we went to church, as I did every week growing up.  Afterwards, I went home with my old friend Andrew and his wife and their kids.  They're sort of like the Brady Bunch, but with only 4 kids instead of 6.  His first wife died, her first husband died, and they each had two kids... there ya go!  Anyway, I hadn't met his second wife, so I got to know her a little and got to visit with them both.  It was nice.

Thursday morning I got up early and drove Mom to work so I could have her car for the day.  I came back home and went back to bed for a little while.  When I got up again I got ready and then went out to run a couple little errands, including picking up my lunch at Skyline Chili (YUM!!!).  I took my lunch over to Meat's house and got to hang out with her for a few hours!  She's a stay at home mom right now.  She got married a couple months before I moved up here and she and her husband have now had two boys, then second one being born just this past June.  I hadn't seen (in person) either of them, so it was great to see her babies!  I didn't think I was going to get to see her older two from her first marriage, but I ended up going with her to pick them up from school, so I got to see them too!  Her son remembered me, but her daughter didn't.  I wasn't surprised, though, because her daughter was only 3 when I left.  It was so nice to get some time with Meat and those few hours went way too quickly!

Thursday evening Brother and GF came up to Mom's for dinner with us again.  We had another really nice visit.  I hope eventually I'll be able to get to know GF better because she seems nice and she's definitely smart.

Mom had Friday off of work already, so we had a late lunch with a couple more friends.  Then since I had to get going quite early Saturday morning to fly back, we just spent the rest of the day at home - relaxing, visiting, and getting me ready to leave.

Not a bad way to spend a week, eh?  You know, I had a terrific time, but more than that, I feel better.  I feel stronger, even.  I think getting to spend all that time with people who have known me, in some cases, my entire life or at least for a really long time was a good reminder of how loved I am.  That I really am special and someone worth being around.  That I'll be okay because I have all these wonderful people supporting me.  It felt like people were reminding me of who I really am, and it was a positive thing.

It was hard to come back. It was like I didn't know what I was coming back for. It didn't help that there wasn't even anyone to pick me up at the airport because everyone was busy. I had to take a taxi home. I feel more like, unless something significant changes for me here, I will likely move back to the States at some point. I hesitate to put a timeline on it just because I really don't know. I would think it'd be within the next five years, but who's to say?

Anyway, it was a wonderful, much needed trip back home. I love my people. :)

Change

As of now, on this blog...

Master = XM

(as in, ex-Master)

Back

I'm back in Edmonton.  I'm having trouble calling it home right now.  I had a really, really great trip to Ohio.  Getting to see my people and spend time with them was like food for my soul.  But now I'm really torn about my future, about what my next step should be.  I keep reminding myself not to worry about it because there's not a whole lot to be done right now anyway.  Mom said I should pray about it, and she's right.  Sometimes I think my life has ended up here because I made my own decisions instead of trying to make the decisions that God would have me make for my life.  I haven't been seeking His will in my life like I should.  So I'm trying to pray more and worry less.

In any case, I'm here again.  I'll blog about my trip soon.

There goes my willpower

So much for having some time without contact with Master.  We exchanged a few emails today and he's giving me a ride to the airport on Saturday.  I will admit that it makes me feel better that things didn't work with his rebound woman - she's moving out.  There are too many things that have happened and too many things that will never change for us to ever be able to get back together.  But maybe now we'll at least have a chance at salvaging our friendship.

Pain

Master came by tonight after work and we finally signed the Separation Agreement.  He also saved the Divorce Kit to my laptop so I can read and look through everything.  He didn't stay long.  It's just as well.  It's like every time I see him... it's just tears my heart out of my chest and I am instantly so hurt and angry.  Especially if things are going well for him, which they seem to be at this point.  I even told him that tonight.  I told him that it's hard for me to see him be happy already.  Why should he get to be happy so soon?  When my life still feels like it's just barely starting to come back together?  I told him that as excited as I am about going to Ohio, there's a little part of me that's dreading it because I know there are going to be questions.  I'll be going to church with Mom and I'm sure not everyone there knows yet.  I can just see one of those sweet little old ladies coming up to me and asking me where my husband is and why they never get to meet him.  He said he's sorry, but it's not all his fault.  I said it was mostly his fault.  I did everything he asked, which he's acknowledged himself, so I'm not even making that up.  He says I shouldn't have hated him because he snored.  I said he should have actually DONE something about it and not treated it like it was my problem just because he wasn't bothered.  Just like he acted like it was all my problem because I wasn't comfortable with Alice's boyfriend shacking up with her when they hadn't even graduated from high school!  Just like he acted like it was all my problem that I wasn't willing to live with Alice any more (after she did graduate) because she's a complete bitch!  I mean, really, why should it matter if I'm completely uncomfortable in my own home?  Even after all that, I was willing to stay married, knowing full well that my needs would never be met, because I made a commitment.  I don't want to be the kind of person who breaks a promise just because it doesn't turn out like I wanted it to.  I was willing to stand by the vows that I made.

Anyway, that brief visit tonight just reinforced the fact that I just need to not be in touch with Master for a while.  If I'm not thinking about him or communicating with him, it's a whole lot easier on me.  There's just too much pain from dealing with Master right now.

Yarn & Knitting Pictures

Here's the yarn I bought for Ginny:

This picture didn't turn out as well, but here's the milk fibre I bought at the same time:

I have six knitting projects going right now.  What can I say?  I like having a variety of things to work on!

Here's the scarf I'm knitting for my manager Candy for a Christmas present:

And here is the alpaca scarf I'm knitting for the other member of our team at work, Lizzy:

One Week

I leave for Ohio in exactly one week! ONE WEEK!!! I'm looking forward to it in a big way - both the break from work as well as getting to visit with friends and family while I'm there. So excited!!

I got to thinking yesterday about how I'm going to be off of work for a full week and I was trying to think of the last time that happened. It was about 14 months ago... when I was unemployed. Not quite the same thing as vacation, no? So then I kept thinking, trying to figure out the last time I had a full week off of work for vacation. Hmmm... I think it happened once while I was living in Chicago, but it was Christmas and New Year's, so I had some days off anyway. Anyway, all of that to say that I'm going to do everything I can (which might be nothing) to enjoy having a full week off of work!

Two weeks after I get back, I'll have my weekend in Lake Louise. I think I'll be able to leave work around lunch that Friday, which means I'll arrive around dinner time. I'm really glad because it means I won't arrive late or have to drive in the dark, which could be a little dangerous with all the wildlife in that area. I think it'll be a really nice weekend for me.

Today I went to one of the yarn stores that Ginny and I hit up a couple months ago when we went on our "yarn crawl." While we were there, there was a particular yarn that Ginny really like but decided not to buy. Her birthday is next week while I'm gone, and I decided that I was going to go back and buy a couple skeins as a birthday gift as well as a bit of a thank you.  She let me come over and hang out the other night while my landlord was here repairing something in the bathroom.  It meant that I didn't have to go to 7-11 again just to pee, like I had to do the night before when he was also here.  She's also agreed to pick me up from the airport when I fly back from Ohio, which is nice.  The yarn she wanted ended up being on sale, so I was able to get three skeins instead of two and it was the same price!  (I also bought a few skeins of the milk fibre yarn because, frankly, I'm just fascinated by it!)  If I get around to it, maybe I'll take a couple pictures.