Friday, June 17, 2011

Big Questions

So, a few posts back I mentioned a much extended member of my family that I had a little encounter with several years ago.  We'll call him Tim.  As part of that previous post I mentioned that I had a phone conversation recently with Tim and that it left me feeling kind of revved up.  As part of that phone call, I told Tim that I was sorry to be bugging him.  He told me that I wasn't bugging him at all and that if I didn't call him from time to time he'd get upset with me.  It was totally a BS reason, but I called him again about a week later on the pretense that I didn't want him to get mad at me.  All this time I'd assumed that he knew that my marriage was over since I'd told his wife in an email last year.  But at one point in this conversation, he asked me what my husband did for a living.  So I had to tell him that he's no longer my husband and in talking a little about it, I - of course - started to cry a little.  In thinking about it later, I think I was just really caught off guard by the question since I thought Tim knew I was getting divorced.

Anyway, getting upset over that simple little question happened the day before I made my quick trip to Jasper.  In fact, it was part of why I decided to go.  While I was gone, Tim called and left a voicemail message for me, making sure I was okay since I'd been upset during our last conversation.  So when I got back from Jasper and heard his message, I gave him a call.  We had a lovely talk, but I could feel us kind of... dancing around the elephant in the room, neither one of us wanting to cross that line.

I called Tim again the next night (Saturday night) because the unspoken tension was bugging me.  And we crossed the line.

Now, I should mention that what Tim does for a living takes him all over, mainly within his home state.  And him being away from home makes it a lot easier for us to have these conversations.

We talked Saturday night, Sunday night, and Monday night.  We both called, so it wasn't one-sided.  We had in-depth conversations about love, marriage, sex, life, all kinds of things.  We had hot phone sex.  We talked about what we're doing, our fears associated with it, and what we might get out of it.

I went out with Ginny for a while Tuesday afternoon.  When I got home there was another voicemail message from Tim.  I was excited to see that he'd called, but the message was not good.  His wife had come into town for a few days, so he asked me not to call and he'd call again when he could.  Nothing says "the other woman" like that kind of message!  I haven't heard from him since.

I'm really wrestling with this.  I don't like the idea of being a part of someone being unfaithful to their spouse.  But there's something about this... It's almost as if Tim and I are both going into this with our eyes open.  We've discussed what would happen if someone were to discover that we're talking so much and how we could cover our tracks.  We've discussed whether or not an actual relationship would ever work between us, should his situation change, and we've decided that it wouldn't, for a few different reasons.  We've promised each other that should the time come that one of us needs to end the sexual side of things, that we'll still remain friends.  Tim has always been respectful of me and has never pushed.  I feel so safe and comfortable with him.

So, I go back and forth with how I feel about this relationship.  I hate the thought of being the other woman.  But if we're both lacking a certain companionship and sexuality, can't we just be together for that?  I wonder if this will help me get my mojo back.  Like a reminder that I am special and desirable.  I don't know.  I guess we'll see.

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Blogger Bearette said...

It's true that situations like those can help you feel more desirable when you're going through a rough patch - but please be careful. Emotions have a sticky tendency of getting involved :)

June 19, 2011 1:52 AM  
Anonymous qc said...

I think it is perfectly possible to have that sort of relationship, without going over the emotional lines. He's with his wife first and foremost and I think you recognise it. I've had that with a couple of guys in the past and I don't think any of us ended up the worst for it. It met some physical and emotional needs for me in a sad and lonely time in my life and presumably for them, also.

June 19, 2011 8:35 PM  

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