Thursday, June 30, 2011


There's no way to classify the relationship that Tim and I have.  Friends with benefits comes close, but it's still not accurate.  Let me attempt to explain.

The story that Tim and have chosen as our "cover" should anyone ever discover the fact that we're in daily contact is really not that far off base.  It's more like the truth excluding the sexual side of things.  And here's that truth.  About the time that I first got in contact with Tim again, initially because of my granddad's estate, I also came to the realization that I have no men in my life.  Sure, there's Brother and I have a lot of male friends.  But not any men that I can look up to and not any men that I have a close relationship with at this point.  My dad is dead as are both of my grandfathers.  I like all of my uncles, but I've never been close with any of them. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks and really made me sad.

The first couple phone conversations I had with Tim were fairly brief and innocent.  But they were also really comfortable.  He always sounded sincerely happy to hear from me.  So I thought maybe I could ask him to be kind of a surrogate father figure for me.  Then again, given our history, our little "encounter" eight years ago, that seemed like a twisted request to make.  After some of our conversations, I told Tim that this was my idea of our cover story and so only then did I tell him about the request that I didn't make.  I said that, had I actually made the request, I would've wanted to keep it secret so as to not offend anyone, not to mention the fact that it seems like a sad, pitiful thing to have to request.  He agreed that it seemed kind of twisted, but that he was honored that I'd even think of him that way and that he wants to be there for me anyway.  It was so sweet and touching that I nearly cried.

After that first week when his wife came into town for a few days and we didn't have the chance to talk, we've spoken every single day.  Sometimes our conversations last for hours.  Sometimes it might be fairly brief.  We've talked about everything.  Really everything.  He's the first and only person I actually know that I've told about the type of relationship that XM and I had (or tried to have), our D/s relationship.  We've talked about my marriage with XM and we've talked about his marriage and his wife, Ann.  We've talked about so many things that I feel like he's my new best friend and he's told me that he feels the same.

We've also talked about sex.  Tim and Ann were married really young and started having kids pretty early on.  Even though Tim is younger than both of my parents, all three of his sons are older than I am.  Tim and Ann were both virgins when they married and apparently never really talked about sex beforehand.  Ann doesn't have much interest in sex and so Tim has spent pretty much his whole life not getting that need met.  He hasn't been able to do things that he's wanted to do, so he and I have talked about all the things we'd like to do together.  We both feel like we've never really gotten to fully explore the pleasure could have, and we're looking forward to doing that together.

Are you starting to see how there's no good way to describe this relationship?  Friends with benefits with a side of father figure?  And that being the case, isn't that twisted?  I don't know.  Maybe it is twisted, but it's working for us.  We've promised that if for some reason either of us ever needs or wants to stop the sexual side of our relationship, we'll stay in touch and still be friends.  He can be more of the father figure at that point.  I've also told him that should something ever happen to me (like I'm killed in a car wreck or something), I want him to tell people about our relationship - minus the sex side, of course.  I know that he would be really upset in that situation - which he agreed with - and I want him to be able to express that without people wondering about it, you know?

Anyway, that's the gist of it.  It's an amazing, uplifting, fun, crazy, comforting relationship.  I love it.  :)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know that you dont know me from a hole in the ground, but Ive followed your blog for a number of years now. I know you have had a rough go of things for the past few years, but I honestly think you are really playing with fire as far as this "thing" goes. I could see it if he was divorced too, but he has a wife who is being betrayed...and you have become a willing and knowing accomplice to this. You both are doing something that will cause an innocent person a tremendous amount of emotional pain and heartache. This just isnt cool, no matter how it gets sliced or justified.

July 02, 2011 12:56 AM  
Blogger This Suzy said...

You're absolutely right and it's something that I struggle with every day. Not only is he married, but I know his wife and I love her. I'm going with this day by day. Who knows how long this will actually last? Will we ever actually be together in person? I have no idea. Even knowing that I'm playing with fire, I'm still going ahead with it... for now.

July 02, 2011 1:42 PM  

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