Sometimes it's good to feel nothing
When I moved out of XM's house, nearly a year and a half ago now, I mistakenly left behind a jewelry box. Now, this is not a fancy nor special jewelry box. It was really just something to keep mostly earrings in.
Anyway, I didn't even realize I'd left it until earlier this year. I asked XM about it and he said that it was at the house and he'd bring it by sometime. I rarely wear jewelry, so I was in no big rush to get the box back, so that was fine with me. That was months ago, so I texted him about it again not long ago. Turned out that he was going to be in my area of the city a couple weeks ago, the same day that I had to go to the US Consulate.
Initially I didn't think I'd be home in time and told him that he could just leave it under the doormat, since I didn't think it'd be too much longer before I got home, so I wasn't worried about someone taking it. However, when I got home, it wasn't there, so I knew XM hadn't come by yet. So I sent him a text to let him know I was home. He asked if he should ring the bell or go ahead and leave it under the doormat anyway. I knew he was asking because it had always been hard for me to see him since we split up. I told him he could ring the bell, but I was second guessing myself even as I sent the text. It had been several months since I'd last seen him - what would it be like? Was it still going to upset me? I was having a decent day, did I want to ruin it?
It turns out I was worried for no reason. When XM got here, we chatted for a little while, about our families and stuff like that. There was nothing. I wasn't sad or upset at all. No anger. When he left, I was so happy that I nearly jumped up and down! I still don't know that he and I will ever really be friends, but at least I know that I can see him and talk to him without getting upset. It felt like a big milestone. I'm really healing and moving on.
Anyway, I didn't even realize I'd left it until earlier this year. I asked XM about it and he said that it was at the house and he'd bring it by sometime. I rarely wear jewelry, so I was in no big rush to get the box back, so that was fine with me. That was months ago, so I texted him about it again not long ago. Turned out that he was going to be in my area of the city a couple weeks ago, the same day that I had to go to the US Consulate.
Initially I didn't think I'd be home in time and told him that he could just leave it under the doormat, since I didn't think it'd be too much longer before I got home, so I wasn't worried about someone taking it. However, when I got home, it wasn't there, so I knew XM hadn't come by yet. So I sent him a text to let him know I was home. He asked if he should ring the bell or go ahead and leave it under the doormat anyway. I knew he was asking because it had always been hard for me to see him since we split up. I told him he could ring the bell, but I was second guessing myself even as I sent the text. It had been several months since I'd last seen him - what would it be like? Was it still going to upset me? I was having a decent day, did I want to ruin it?
It turns out I was worried for no reason. When XM got here, we chatted for a little while, about our families and stuff like that. There was nothing. I wasn't sad or upset at all. No anger. When he left, I was so happy that I nearly jumped up and down! I still don't know that he and I will ever really be friends, but at least I know that I can see him and talk to him without getting upset. It felt like a big milestone. I'm really healing and moving on.
rambled by This Suzy at 9:23 PM
2 Comments:
Good for you! I think true indifference to our ex-partners is the ultimate revenge. I look at mine and it is hard to even remember that this was a man who used to make me thrill to him. I feel, just like you, absolutely nothing. Even the rage has all gone.
He hates it!
That was my favorite post-divorce moment as well. That moment I knew- KNEW- I would never want to be with him again. Congrats on making it to the awesome side :)
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