Thursday, November 24, 2011

Sometimes it's good to feel nothing

When I moved out of XM's house, nearly a year and a half ago now, I mistakenly left behind a jewelry box.  Now, this is not a fancy nor special jewelry box.  It was really just something to keep mostly earrings in.

Anyway, I didn't even realize I'd left it until earlier this year.  I asked XM about it and he said that it was at the house and he'd bring it by sometime.  I rarely wear jewelry, so I was in no big rush to get the box back, so that was fine with me.  That was months ago, so I texted him about it again not long ago.  Turned out that he was going to be in my area of the city a couple weeks ago, the same day that I had to go to the US Consulate.

Initially I didn't think I'd be home in time and told him that he could just leave it under the doormat, since I didn't think it'd be too much longer before I got home, so I wasn't worried about someone taking it.  However, when I got home, it wasn't there, so I knew XM hadn't come by yet.  So I sent him a text to let him know I was home.  He asked if he should ring the bell or go ahead and leave it under the doormat anyway.  I knew he was asking because it had always been hard for me to see him since we split up.  I told him he could ring the bell, but I was second guessing myself even as I sent the text.  It had been several months since I'd last seen him - what would it be like?  Was it still going to upset me?  I was having a decent day, did I want to ruin it?

It turns out I was worried for no reason.  When XM got here, we chatted for a little while, about our families and stuff like that.  There was nothing.  I wasn't sad or upset at all.  No anger.  When he left, I was so happy that I nearly jumped up and down!  I still don't know that he and I will ever really be friends, but at least I know that I can see him and talk to him without getting upset.  It felt like a big milestone.  I'm really healing and moving on.

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Anonymous qc said...

Good for you! I think true indifference to our ex-partners is the ultimate revenge. I look at mine and it is hard to even remember that this was a man who used to make me thrill to him. I feel, just like you, absolutely nothing. Even the rage has all gone.

He hates it!

November 26, 2011 7:18 AM  
Blogger KJ Ordinary said...

That was my favorite post-divorce moment as well. That moment I knew- KNEW- I would never want to be with him again. Congrats on making it to the awesome side :)

November 29, 2011 1:57 AM  

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