The latest show dealt with BDSM. I think I've mentioned before on this blog, but perhaps not, so let me say quite clearly - pain in any significant form is not a turn on for me. I like a little smack on the ass, a little hair pulling, etc. But I don't want to be flat out whipped. I don't want a bunch of bruises. I got a few scratches from XM on occasion, and that was hot, but the scratches weren't deep enough to draw blood or anything.
Anyway, watching this episode of "Our America" made me realize how long it's been since I've had... well, almost anything. But mainly, just how long it's been since I've been in a position where I could submit. Someone once told me that they didn't think I was really a sub and that I shouldn't try to be one. I thought they were wrong then, and I feel it again now. Maybe I'm not an extreme submissive, but I do think that it's part of me. I think I will always be drawn to men who (respectfully) take control. And realizing how long it's been since I've been able to experience that just made me ache for it. I really miss submitting.
I don't know how long it will be before I'm able to do it again. Even if I met the right man tomorrow, it still takes some real time to get to that point. But I definitely want it again, whether it's spelled out or if it's just the nature of our relationship. Someday, I want to be able to submit again.