Monday, February 18, 2013

Feed the good dog

Heard this a few days ago on a promo for a TV show:
Inside every person are two dogs, always fighting with each other.  One is good, one is evil.  You know which one wins?  The one you feed more.

Powerful little story, yes?  As you all know, ever since I came back from my trip, I've been really torn over my relationship with Tim.  Wanting to do the right thing, wanting to be involved with him.

I decided to feed the good dog.

Tim called tonight.  It's the first time in a week that I've heard from him.  We talked for a while about different things.  Then I told him the same little story I heard in the promo that I related above.  He really liked that story.  I told him that I wanted to feed the good dog.  I told him that, while none of us are perfect, there's nothing wrong with trying to better ourselves.  I'm always working on trying to be the person I want to be, the person I know I can and should be.  And that means that I don't want to be the other woman, the mistress.  I also don't want to help someone else be unfaithful to their wife.  I told him that, in the end, he and I both know better.

Tim, of course, agreed and was okay with it.  I mean, we've had this conversation before.  And we didn't cross any lines until we actually saw each other.  I don't know, maybe actually being around him will always provoke some temptation, at least as long as I'm single.  I love Tim and always will, although I've never been IN love with him.  I still feel very strongly that I want to keep him in my life.  I feel incredibly comfortable with him and we have great conversations.  Our cover story was always going to be that he was playing a father figure role in my life, and I'd kind of like that to be true.  I can imagine having a potential new husband and taking him out to see Tim & his family, let him and his sons give him a bit of a hard time.  See if this possible mate can pass muster, you know?  :-)

Anyway, I consider Tim to be a really good friend.  I don't want to lose my relationship with him, but I really have to do the right thing as much as I can.  Gotta feed the good dog.

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