Saturday, April 26, 2014

Is this all there is?

Still not much to blog about, which I suppose means my life is fairly boring.  The most dramatic thing in my life right now is a possible mid-life crisis, but it's not exactly a thrilling thing.

I keep having this feeling like... is this all there is?  For a long time in my life, it felt like there were always possibilities, sometimes endless ones.  There were always adventures to be had.  New people and places.  And now?  Now I know that the possibilities are not endless.  So many "could've been's" are now "never will be's."

I think part of my struggle is feeling, deeply, that I will probably never get remarried.  It's not that I don't want to - quite the opposite, in fact.  It's just knowing that that's not how my life goes.  I've only ever had one real romantic-type relationship in my life, and that was with XM.  We all know how that turned out.  I never had boyfriends, because the boys were never interested.  The truth is that I've never even had a real first date.  Never.

So how can I have any expectation of ever finding someone who wants to be with me?  It's rather depressing, really.  Sometimes it's to point of feeling like a physical ache.  Maybe it's just loneliness, and I'm looking at having it the rest of my life.


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3 Comments:

Blogger Bearette said...

Are you still doing online dating? I see you as someone who would get married again.

April 27, 2014 5:25 PM  
Blogger Bearette said...

Is there a group (both sexes) that you could join in your area?

April 27, 2014 7:05 PM  
Blogger This Suzy said...

I'm not doing online dating at this point. I've never had much luck with it, and I'm really tired of spending money for nothing.

The only real group I'm a part of right now is church. I think I'll be joining a gym soon, although that's certainly not where I look my best! lol

April 30, 2014 7:01 PM  

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