Monday, June 30, 2014

I really know how to pick 'em

I don't have a friend with benefits.  I don't have a friend.  By default, Mason is still my coworker.

Rather than trying to explain it, I'll just share the texts we've exchanged.  What I've put in italics are my asides, not part of the texts.

17 June (5 days after our evening together)
Suzy: Good morning!  I came last night thinking about your cock.  ;-)
(Yes, I really am that bold and brazen sometimes.  I'm such a hussy.)

Suzy: Sorry if that's more than you wanted to know.

18 June
Suzy: I may have told you wrong about your break.  If you want to work over the 4th of July you might be able to, although it'll probably mean working with Jason (a crew leader than Mason doesn't like).  Then we're bringing everyone here after the 4th for a day or 2.  So you could start your break after that if you wanted.

Mason: OK.  Sounds great, I'll send the email tonight.  (The guys are required to submit their break requests via email.)

Suzy: How was your day?

Mason: Extremely long
Mason: Need sleep

Suzy: Alright, I won't bug ya.  Sweet dreams.  :-)

Mason: Not bugging me, night

Suzy: Can I ask if I weirded you out by sending you that earlier text?

Mason: No I had to delete it quick cuz my kid opened it and was going to start reading it.  (He was on the road for work, but was in the same area as where his 6 year old daughter lives, so I guess she was visiting him?)

Suzy: Oh crap!  Sorry.

Mason: It's ok I got to it on time
Mason: Thankfully

Suzy: Well, I hope you have good memories you can use when you feel like it.  ;-)

(no response)

Suzy: Sorry.  Night.

23 June
Suzy: Did you ever send the email about your break?  I haven't seen it.

24 June
Suzy: You're pretty quiet lately.  Are you doing OK?

30 June (today)
Suzy: Mason, I don't know what's going on since I haven't heard a word from you.  If you don't want anything more to do with me, that's fine.  All I ask is that you keep everything to yourself.

I haven't gotten a response at this point.  That could be because he's been working all day; these guys do work some long hours, especially during the summer.  But my guess is that I won't get a response.  Originally, I wasn't going to text him again after asking if he was OK.  It seemed pretty clear that I was being ignored, so I was just going to leave it alone.  But in planning for this upcoming meeting with all the guys in our division coming to town next week, I got this sudden thought of him opening his mouth and telling EVERYONE while they're all here.  I would hate for Andrew to find out.  And since Andrew's boss will also be here... that could be really bad and damage my professional reputation.  Not to mention the rest of my life.

As I mentioned in my last post, I asked Mason some questions while he was here, including what he wanted going forward.  That was when I got that strange answer about him not knowing and he didn't want to talk about it.  He tends to be pretty honest and blunt, so I didn't think he was just BS'ing me then because he was sitting on my couch, although I wonder about it now.  In any case, at that point, I told him that whatever conclusion he came to, I just wanted him to be honest with me.  I just want to know what's going on.  I don't know about you, dear readers, but I would always rather have the truth, even when it's painful, because at least then I know what I'm dealing with.

I always knew there was a chance that Mason would be done with me after one night.  Given how my life usually goes, I kind of even expected it.  I'm honestly not that bothered that that's how it's turned out.  What really pisses me off is that he can't just be straight with me, and he's just ignoring me instead.


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Saturday, June 14, 2014

I did it. Or him. Whichever you prefer.

Looks like I have a friend with benefits!  At least, for the moment.  More later about why it might not last.

This all came about rather quickly, to be honest.  I just met this guy a couple weeks ago.  This guy, let us call him Mason, is a fairly new co-worker of mine.  Him being a co-worker does make things a bit trickier, but not too bad.  When we first met, he was really formal and I thought he was really uncomfortable around me.  Now I think that's just how he is around new people.  By the second day, he wasn't like that at all.

We had some conversations here and there as we had the chance that brought up the topic of friends with benefits.  He said that that's exactly what he's looking for.  He doesn't want a relationship, but he doesn't want to just hook up with random people.  Plus, like almost all the guys in this division, Mason's on the road most of the time, and isn't usually in one place for more than a few nights, maybe a week at most.

My first reaction was that it's not for me.  No way.  But I was willing to explore the possibility and maybe just make a new friend.  I ended up picking him up at the hotel that evening (because we figured it would be best if he wasn't driving around in a company truck if we're meeting up) and we went out to dinner, a little south of town.  When the bill came, I asked if we were splitting it.  He said it was up to me.  I told him to decide, but I was okay with it either way.  He paid.

After dinner, I started driving north again on the interstate, but I was enjoying the drive and all of our conversation, so I asked if he was in any hurry to get back to the hotel (which also gave him an out if he didn't want to hang out any more.)  He said no, so we kept driving.  Just driving and talking.  The conversation was really interesting, I think.  We were both just being really honest about everything and asking each other questions.  It think we're both pretty straight forward people, and when you're in a situation where there's nothing to lose, it makes it easy to be totally honest.

I ended up driving about an hour north of town before we stopped to get gas and something to drink.  Then I just drove back south again, getting back to the hotel around 10 PM.  I will admit to a little groping in the car before we parted ways, but only for a few minutes.  Okay, several minutes.

The next day, Friday of last week, he was at the office all day, but mostly working in the shop, so we weren't around each other all that much, which was probably best.  I had told him the night before that if anything were going to happen, we would HAVE to be discreet, since Andrew is not just my boss, but also my friend and someone who goes to the same church that I do... and my mom does.  Funnily enough, I got a text later that first night from a friend at church who was at the same restaurant with her husband!  They only saw us when Mason and I were leaving, so they didn't say anything, and it would've been okay if they had, really.  I mean, two single co-workers having dinner is not a problem and as far as they would've known, that's all it was.

Anyway, his crew was getting ready to leave to head to a job a couple hours away when I left to go home for the day.  I went to Meat's house later that night, after her kids went to bed, to talk about all of this.  I had sent her a text the day before - before Mason and I went out that night - to ask if she'd ever had a friend with benefits.  She said she had (in between her marriages), so I definitely wanted to get her perspective on it.  We had a really good conversation.  It's really great to live only ten minutes from one of my best friends!

When I said good-bye to Mason on Friday, I knew he'd be back this week because of some training he needed to do.  When I talked to Meat about it Friday night, I decided that if I didn't hear from him at all while he was on the road, I wasn't willing to pursue a friendship with benefits.  To me, not being interested in the other person means it's just hooking up when he's in town, which I'm not up for.  I don't expect that Mason and I are going to be best friends, but I'm also not interested in it being ONLY about sex.

Don't you know... that Monday afternoon I received a text from Mason just saying hi and that he hopes I'm having a good day.  Now I'm in.

Mason comes back to town on Wednesday afternoon.  The training he's doing is Thursday and Friday morning.  When he gets to the office on Wednesday afternoon, he was talking about how he was stupid because he stayed up super late the night before because he'd just bought an Xbox to have on the road with him and he stayed up playing games.  He was really tired.  Before he'd gotten to town, we'd texted about getting together Wednesday night, but I told him once he was in the office - and no one else was around - that he didn't have to come over if he didn't feel up for it now.  But he said he still would.

Then after work, and after I met up with Mom for dinner, I texted Mason to see if he wanted me to pick him up or if he was going to drive to my place.  No response.  I go home, hang out for a while and try calling him.  No answer.  Now I don't know what to think.  Did he go back to the hotel and just crash because he was so tired?  Did he change his mind but he's too chicken to just be honest about it?  Did I misunderstand earlier when I thought he said we'd still get together even though I offered to cancel?

I never did get a reply that night, nor was there any the next morning until almost lunch time.  The guys were doing the training off-site Thursday morning and they'd already left by the time I got to work.  The training involves physical work, not just sitting at a desk or table, so I knew he wouldn't be able to get in touch during the training.  But just before noon, I did get a text from Mason saying that he'd fallen asleep when he got back to the hotel and didn't wake up until his alarm that morning.  He said he'd still like to get together that night if I wanted to, and that he hoped I wasn't too mad.  Of course, I played it off like it was no big deal and that that's what I figured had happened.  I said I'd still love for him to come over that night, and I'd offered to let him to laundry at my place, so I told him that was still okay with me too.

The guys were finished early enough that they left for the hotel before I was finished, so I picked him up again after I left the office.  We went to my apartment, I kind of showed him my little place, and then showed him where the washer and dryer were so he could put his clothes in the wash.  I was washing my hands when he asked if he cared if he put everything in the washer.  I don't know why I didn't immediately clue into what he meant, but I said sure.  I was thinking he meant that he has something really dirty and I wouldn't want that in my washer.  What he meant was that he was going to strip down to nothing so that he could put ALL of his clothes through the laundry.  So I turn around from the sink and... there's a buck naked man in my kitchen!  Fortunately he had his back to me, so he didn't see my surprise.  Or me checking him out.

He insisted that I get undressed because he felt a little weird about me being completely dressed and him being completely naked.  As a good hostess, I sure wouldn't want my guest to be uncomfortable!  And, gee, what are the two of us going to do once we're naked?  Yeah, no big shocker there!

We had good sex.  I wouldn't even say that it lasted all that long, but it was good.  At least, it felt pretty good to me and since he came, I guess it couldn't have been all bad for him either!  Afterwards, we just watched TV (still naked) as his clothes went through the dryer.  While his clothes were drying, I asked him some questions.  For example, he's dark complected with light brown eyes, and his name doesn't really give away what his ancestry is, so I asked.  He said he's Spanish, which still doesn't line up with his last name (which is clearly NOT Spanish), but I didn't pursue it.  That answer does line up with his first name and part of where he grew up.

I also basically asked what he wanted from our arrangement going forward, just so I would know what to expect.  Are we actually going to be friends?  At which point he interjected that we are friends.  Is he just looking to hook up when he's in town?  Does he just want to be co-workers and nothing more?  I figured now that he'd seen me naked and we'd had sex, if he was going to change his mind, this would be the time, and I'd rather just know than string it out.

He said that he had to go home next month for a little while to deal with some crap and he would know more after that.  I have no idea what that means.  I asked him, and he said he'd really rather not talk about it.  He said it would open a can of worms and he doesn't like to talk about negative stuff because then he just dwells on it.  He apologized because he knows that it sucks for him not to explain, but he just didn't want to talk about it.  

So, that's why I don't know if this friendship with benefits will last.  Mason has a young daughter with his ex-wife, so it could have something to do with that relationship.  It could be something else entirely.  I really have no idea.

For my part, I think it could be a good friendship with benefits.  There are enough things about him that I would definitely not want in a boyfriend, that I don't feel overly attached or too emotionally invested, which was my biggest concern about this kind of relationship.  For example, in all the time we spend together and the things we did, we never kissed.  Not once.  That definitely makes it easier to not read too much into it, you know?  But I like him enough to be friends, and I think he knows what he's doing in bed, which is a big plus.  So it could potentially be a good arrangement.

When his clothes were finished in the dryer, Mason got up to get them out and start folding them.  I told him I had a favor to ask of him.  He asked me what it was as I also got up and walked over.  He was putting on a clean pair of underwear.  I said, "Aww, bummer."  He just looked at me.  I said, "I wanted you to fuck me one more time before you left."  He was clearly surprised and replied, "Really?"  I said, "Yes.  That was my favor."

So he did me a favor.  Such a nice guy, willing to help a girl out like that.

After round two, I took him back to the hotel with his clean laundry.  I kind of wondered if at any point while he was there or after I dropped him off, I'd start to feel regret or anything.  I didn't and I haven't.  I probably should.  I mean, based on my Christian beliefs, what we did was totally immoral.  But I hadn't had sex since my marriage ended.  That means it had been four years, my friends.  That is a long time to not scratch that itch.

Mason left Friday afternoon with a different crew.  I have no idea when he'll be back.  That's the other interesting part of all this - we don't know how often we'll even be able to get together because it'll only happen when he's in town.  Of course, depending on what happens when he goes home next month, it might not matter.  

So we'll see what happens.  Maybe I'll actually something interesting to blog about from time to time!

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Sunday, June 08, 2014

A friend with benefits?

I won't go into all the details, because I don't feel like typing it all out, but a possibility has come up with a guy for us to have a friends with benefits arrangement.  I'm debating as to whether or not it's something I want to pursue.

Have any of you ever had such an arrangement?  If so, what were the pros and cons to your situation?  And would you do it again?

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