Friday, December 26, 2014

Just an update

I'm finally getting around to blogging again.  You know, I just don't get on my laptop as much these days, and I'm sure not going to blog at work.  So I apologize for all the long spaces between posts.

Not much has been happening with Lover lately.  I started on birth control back in October, and it's one of those where you're supposed to only have your period every three months.  I mean, I've always hated having my period, so I figured that if there was a way to have it less, why not?  Of course, they say that it's common to have "spotting," especially when you first start taking it.  But I never do anything normal, so why should this "spotting" be any different?  I was basically bleeding for a month, and it's just now ending.  It started out light, but got heavier to where it was at least as heavy as a regular period, maybe even heavier.  Like I was having the last two months of menstruating in one.  I had cramps worse than I'd ever had before.  I did eventually contact my doctor, but it was about the time it finally started to slow down, so we decided to just let it run its course.  However, if it keeps happening in the future, I'll be switching to a different pill.

Because of all the lovely bleeding, Lover and I didn't really spend any time in the three weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  My bleeding started the day after Thanksgiving, so we decided to just wait until it stopped, thinking it wouldn't last that long.  Ha.  Two nights before he left to go home for Christmas, it had finally slowed enough that we did get to spend some time together and have a little fun.  We both really wanted that before he left again for two weeks.  It was a really good release.

Other than that, things about the same between us.  His marriage is crap, but I still don't think he's going to leave his wife.  If she chooses to leave, he wouldn't fight her on it, but I don't think she'd leave either.  Sometimes I think she sees him as a bit of a meal ticket.  She doesn't work outside the home, and I'm sure she'd have to if they split up.  One of the reasons why, if given the chance, I'm not sure Lover and I would work as a real relationship is that he is HORRIBLE about making decisions.  He won't make a decision about anything unless he absolutely has to.

Now, as we all know, I like a man who can and will take charge.  I've even told Lover that I like that, and that I have that expectation.  I figure he should know that up front.  And while a part of me thinks he's capable of stepping up and taking charge, I think most of me knows that it's unlikely.  Andrew actually has that struggle with him at work too, needing Lover to step up and take the lead, and it just doesn't happen, even though he's told he can and should.

So, I still think this will all end up like I thought it would from the beginning: he'll stay with his wife, he and I will carry on until his family moves here, and then it'll be crap when we have to stop.  There's always the possibility that we'll stop sooner.  I told him recently that I didn't know how much longer I could do this; it's too hard that he belongs to someone else.  I don't know.  He does seem to be a bit of a weakness for me.

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