Sunday, May 10, 2015

Life Is Ridiculous

Things with Lover are in flux.  His family finally went home after being here for five weeks.  I was able to "visit" him a couple times after they left.  It was so good.  I apologize if this is TMI, but that man knows what to do with his head between my legs!!

However, a couple weeks after his family left, Lover himself was sent home.  Andrew's boss realized that, after 9 months, Lover hadn't actually moved up here yet.  And not only that, his house wasn't even on the market yet!  His hotel and food has all been paid by the company this whole time, so the big boss man put and end to that.  Andrew basically told Lover to go home and not come back until there was a For Sale sign in his yard.  So Lover went home for about ten days to get that all taken care of.  Why his wife couldn't manage it to get it done, especially with her claiming all she wanted was to move up here, is beyond me.

What this means, though, is that Lover is no longer staying in a hotel where I can visit him without other people knowing.  In fact, at this point, he's living out of Andrew's camper... at Andrew's house.  So you know I'm not going to visit him there!  He could come see me, but he's driving a company truck... which has a tracking device in it.  Granted, they don't usually check them unless there's a specific reason to, but it's still not worth taking that chance.  So, we're kind of on hold for the moment and, in fact, we may be pretty much over.  We'll get together again if we have a good opportunity, but I'm not confident that it'll happen.

I'd like to say that I regret this whole relationship, helping a man cheat on his wife and all, but I learned something really important (to me) in all of this.  In my marriage to XM, he could never consistently satisfy me and make me orgasm.  It happened, but not regularly.  It was a huge source of frustration for both of us.  He said he'd never had that issue with the two women he'd had serious relationships with before, and even though he said he researched online how to improve things, nothing ever changed.  Not having that much sexual experience before our marriage, I was honestly worried that maybe it was me.  What if I was someone who was just really hard to satisfy?  So what I learned from my time with Lover is that that's NOT the case.  Yay!!  It's honestly a big relief.  I orgasmed every single time we were together, sometimes multiple times.  There was even a time or two that I thought it wasn't going to happen, in one case because he was rushing, but he slowed down, kind of started over a little, and made me orgasm anyway.  So now I'm not worried that I'm somehow broken or will never really be able to be satisfied.  It's just a matter of finding someone who knows what to do with me, and is willing to take the time to get it right.

But, as this post is title, life is ridiculous.  Why?

I haven't talked to Tim much in the last couple years.  Initially it was because I was living with Mom when I moved back to the States, so that was not really an option.  Then about the time I moved into my own place, he had to have surgery and was home for a while, so we couldn't talk then either, although I talked to his wife at one point.  But I wasn't sure how long he was home or when he went back on the road, so I just didn't call.  And since I'd moved, he didn't have my new phone numbers.

Then we got word in the fall that Tim's wife, Ann, had been diagnosed with cancer.  A very rare form of cancer and they were only giving her months to live.  I had planned on calling them over the holidays, but since I got bronchitis a couple days before Christmas, I wasn't talking to much of anyone at that point.  So I never did talk to either of them.  Then Ann died the first week of April.  She wasn't into funerals, so they just had a memorial for her one Sunday after church.  Because they kept it a small affair, neither Mom nor I went.

I waited a few weeks and then called Tom.  I thought I'd wait until after things calmed down a little before getting in touch with him.  We only talked about ten minutes when I called him.  He was back on the road again, working with his son.  It was at the end of a long day for them and it was late which was why we didn't talk long.  But I told him that he had my number now, so he could call any time he felt like talking.

It was a week or so later that he did call again.  He said they've been working long hours, but he was home for a couple days and finally had time to talk.  He told me what all had happened with Ann.  He seems okay about it all and never got emotional while talking about it.  Although, to be fair, I've never heard him get emotional about anything.  I'm sure it helps that they knew it was coming and that he no longer has to watch her suffer.  He said the only time it's really hard for him is when something happens and he thinks, "Oh, I have to tell Ann about that." And then it's that half-second later it hits him that he can't because she's dead.  He did say that's he's been glad to get back on the road and get back to work.  He had basically dropped everything for the last six months while Ann was sick, so I'm not surprised that he's glad to get back to some semblance of normal, even if it'll never be exactly the same again.

He sounds good, and I'm glad for that.  Our conversations never strayed into anything sexual or inappropriate, even if it's not so inappropriate now.  I don't know if either of us want to go down that path again.  I doubt I'll bring it up.  But I am enjoying talking to him again.  It's nice to have someone to chat with about your day or whatever.  He's still my good friend.

All of that being said, I find it amusing that, as things seem to be ending with Lover, Tim kind of comes back into my life.  Even if it's just as my friend, it still makes me think that life is ridiculous.

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