Friday, June 19, 2015

Almost Over

My affair with Lover is nearly finished.

He'll be leaving in about four days to go home, pack up his family, and move them up here.  Once he leaves, we're done.

I'm sad, of course.  I'm going to miss him terribly.  I'll still see him at work, but it won't be the same.  Because it can't be.  He's a sweetheart and a generous lover.  Of course I'll miss him.

I think there's a small part of me that will be relieved.  No more sneaking around.  Less up and down depending on whether or not we had any time together or feeling frustrated if his wife has, once again, treated him horribly.

He thinks things will be different once his family is moved up here and settled.  He thinks his wife will be better.  I told him I think she'll be good for a while, but she'll eventually go back to her old ways.  I said that her being local doesn't mean she'll automatically trust him, it just means that she'll have a shorter leash on him.  He didn't really know what to say to that.

It would hurt, but I do hope that they can actually make their marriage work.  I told Lover that I thought they should go to counselling once they're moved up here.  Make it a good marriage, not just something they're surviving because they don't have the courage to do anything different.  What really pains me is the thought of him spending the rest of his life in a half-hearted marriage, being taken for granted, not being trusted, and being treated badly.  The thought of that brings tears to my eyes just typing it.

I think it's a good thing that he'll be gone for a bit when this ends.  I'll have some time without seeing him at all, which will - hopefully - make it easier to treat him as just a regular co-worker when he returns.  We're also having a divisional meeting when he gets back, so it'll be busy and all the guys will be in town, which will be a good distraction.

In the end, though, this is going to suck.

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